A cut ‘n paste day today. Darryl is still sailing the stormy seas at night and seems to be resting quite well during the day. I am fairly confident the storming relates to discomfort. He is unable to move or communicate pain or discomfort so he starts tensing up and sweating in response. There is not much known about storming, but I certainly notice a pattern with it over recent days.
When he is moved, washed or stretched during storming, more often than not it stops the sweating almost immediately and he relaxes and drifts into heavier sleep. It could just be coincidence, but it’s a fairly frequent occurance if that is the case. Either way it’s pretty distressing for all concerned.
Darryl seemed to feel that the Chiefs will win the Super 14 final, but he had picked both the Canes and the Crusaders to win the semi-finals so don’t go crazy at the TAB based on his picks. Or maybe I was just getting his thumbs up mixed up. I challenged Darryl to wake up by the final which he seemed up for (so to speak).
It must be a terrible state to be in for him. He seems keenly aware of life all around him and tries like crazy to communicate with his thumbs and now his entire arms are moving as well, all while two shades of consciousness away. He seems to be stirring, but the flip side is that he will be getting more and more frustrated while in his more awake states.
I have tried to imagine it (not that I really have to when I am so close to it) and how it would feel to be in a dark room with no idea where the door is and being tethered to the floor at almost every moving body part, somehow trying to fight your way to the door and out of the room, while all you can hear is others calling to you from the other side of the door you can’t see. I don’t like to imagine that comparison too often!
Brenna’s take on reality was highlighted today when as we walked out of the ward in which the HDU is, she looked down the corridor to ward 82, critical care and turned to me all matter of fact and said “That’s the really bad place down there aye Dad?” I enquired as to what she meant by that and she replied “It’s where you go when you are feeling really bad, because that’s where Darryl was when he was really bad, but now he’s feeling a bit better so he’s in the other place which is good”.
I can’t even bear to look at the doors of critical care as it induces an automated panic reponse and yet Brenna has processed the experience and information and is moving on. I hope she is anyway. So refreshing to reflect on the innocence and care-free spirit of childhood. If only you could bottle those childhood coping mechanisms and store them up for adulthood. I’d be downing my fair share now that’s for sure!
Come on Darryl, keep hunting for that door, searching through that fog and following the voices back to us. Just keep going mate.
Mike
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