The journey continues as does the waiting and hoping. Darryl was a little more unsettled today so he had less physio in favour of rest. When he did rest he looked heartbreakingly peaceful. Such a contrast the utter chaos of emotion that surrounds him.
He gave me a thumbs up today when I asked him if he was felling better being at this facility and out of hospital. Understandable given the large team all around him focused on his every rehab need I guess. They are a truly special bunch. Just what the ‘doctor ordered’ for such a special young man.
He is still storming and we have been working hard to try and ‘break’ the tone in his muscles and relax him by stretching his legs and torso, changing his positions and looking for any triggers that may set it off and trying to anticipate them. Just when you think he is getting better in this regard, he sparks up and away he goes again.
This evening after stretching his legs and trying to settle him down I sat quietly beside him and held his hand. I talked quietly with him and shared some father son advice and encouragement. His breathing slowed and he seemed to be taking it all in. It was hard to keep the strength in my voice as I spoke but it was important to do just that. His strength is mine and mine his, parallel state of consciousness or not.
Last night I caught a glimpse of Darryl’s oil skin jacket, which was more or less a second skin, he wore it so much. Darryl’s boss had brought it down from the farm. Just seeing the jacket brought a flood of emotions to the surface. I reached out and touched it as if to touch the Darryl who once wore it. The pain of such a simple emotional trigger was tangible.
Darryl, you should be wearing that jacket. You should be taking it off as you step into the house and head straight to the fridge. You should be sneaking a few of Brenna’s treats from the cupboard and then blaming me. You should be sitting on the couch munching on some home baking leaving a trail of crumbs. You should be lazing in front of the TV falling asleep as you watch the rugby. You should be you Darryl, you should just be you, NOT this.
I love you Darryl, but more so I believe in your strength, will and courage. That is who YOU ARE and that is what will beat THIS!
Dad
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