Monthly Archive for July, 2009

Monday 20th – Sunday 26th of July

Published on 26 July 2009 in Progress. 16 Comments

For those who have children you will remember the feelings you experienced when for the first time your child stood on their own two feet.  You will remember the sense of pride at the achievement of this milestone equally shared with anxiety as you watch on at arms length as they sway tentatively trying to find their balance for the first time.

This is the same experience I had this Friday gone as Darryl stood for the first time on his own.  Except this time it seems like the feeling of pride and anxiety are amplified by the number of years that have passed since Darryl first achieved this feat.  But in his first go Darryl stood there, swaying like a rusty gate in a the breeze for 24 seconds.  It is the first major step forward in getting him to move forward under his own steam.

Having said that, by Sunday Darryl had managed to turn 24 seconds into more than 3 1/2 minutes.  Let’s just say we have been doing our homework over the weekend and aim to achieve the five minute goal the physio has set for Darryl.  I guess the appropriate analogy to use (ironically) is that it’s just like riding a bike, you never really forget you just need to get that sense of balance again.  The difference being we can’t afford to have Darryl fall over so the stakes are far higher.  But he is on his way to getting mobile on his own, something I continue to reinforce to Darryl is not only achievable but is just around the corner.

The week has seen Darryl continue to improve on a number of levels, the most humourous of which is his sense of humour returning in bucket loads.  He has got what I call ‘goldfish fever’ in that he often forgets little details in the day and will repeatedly ask the same questions and then crack a funny about the response.  Just like the humble gold fish that they say has a very short memory (how they know that I don’t know) and swims around the tank saying to itself repeatedly “oh wow, I haven’t noticed that before”, Darryl repeats his questions and quips in response, followed by roars of laughter.  I oblige by looking and acting equally entertained by his wise crack and the process begins again.  Eventually he remembers that he’s covered the teritory before and that becomes the source of even more laughter as the ‘gold fish fever’ reality dawns.   

He has also found his singing voice, with verses of his favourite Flight of the Concords album bursting forth at the most random of moments.  something that is just so Darryl!  So needless to say we can often be heard over breakfast singing away together, poorly, out of tune and mumbling the bits we don’t know the words for, with the odd mouthful of Sultana Bran firing forth like a gatling gun as he burst into laughter mid-mouthful.  Priceless!

 It is great to hear him using his voice more and more.  He has a long way to go with this and it does involve relearning the talking process and how to form the words but he is making great progress and I’m confident normality will return.

Darryl is now able to sit up straight and true, lay himself down and get himself back up into a sitting position.  He is doing step ups, putting weight on his right leg, which has been slower to return to life than his left.  He is also now far more able to lift himself from a sitting position up into standing which will no doubt come over the next week or so.

His right arm which really bore the brunt of the storming and was held constricted against his chest for the best part of six weeks, is now starting to spark into life.  I am really working this hard with Darryl because I know it really troubles him that it lays there limp when he is sinking every ounce of his energy into it to get it to flinch.  Over the last two weeks I have rubbed, slapped, pinched, massaged and flicked his shoulder, biceps, triceps forearms and fingers, all of which are now working – slowly but surely  For the first time since day three of this journey he was able to do a thumbs up with his right hand!  It was another tear-jerker moment and something I hope gave Darryl a sense of  certainty that he will get his right arm back.

Just in the last three days the active movement coming back in his hand and arm is impressive.  sure it is measured in centremetres in the beginning, but there is something to measure, that is the main thing.  If this process has taught me anything it is that if you don’t use it you lose it, and once you start to get it moving the outcome is only limited by the effort you’re prepared to put in.

On that note I should share one of Darryl’s funnies of the week.  I have been working his good left arm and his weaker right arm together by either having him interlink his fingers and push out his hands to my hand which I move around as a target or by using a piece of Lancewood that Darryl carved me as a Christmas present a a couple of years ago.  This can be used like a barbell for bench press, shoulder press, bicep and tricep excercises.  The thinking is that even if the left arm is carrying the majority of the load the neurons in the weaker arm will get the message to fire and start working .

In any event it is hard yacker, particularly with me  pushing him along from the sidelines.  On Saturday I went to his room to get the Lancewood stick and when I returned he said “oh no the stick of torture” to which we both burst out laughing.   Having said that I was laughing as I was locking his hands onto it!

Darryl works really hard and while it can be and is exhausting for him he knows that with each exercise, with each well formed word and with every milestone ticked off, he is closer to being home.  He is now evermore aware of his injury and the circumstances in which this life changing event come to pass.  Having said this, the other morning Darryl came up with an interesting revalation in that he said “Dad, this didn’t happen to me playing rugby, I just went to sleep one day and when I woke up I was here!!”   Followed by “Have I been asleep since 2008?”   That took a bit of explaining starting with the fact that he wasn’t actually Snow White despite the fact that I could be mistaken for a number of the seven dwarfs!  It’s all part of the process as his brain restores the scrambled information, but nonetheless it must feel like he walking through a bit of a maze. 

The weekend was a good one, a highlight for Catherine and I when our good friends from up home in the Far North, Sandra and Dion (the people who gave Darryl the greenstone dog whistle) came to visit.  The last time they came down was several weeks ago and Darryl was smack bang in the middle of a urinary tract infection, he was very out of sorts, I was very stressed and tired and we all ended up in tears. 

On this occasion Darryl was happy, joking, standing, talking and worlds apart from the state he was in when they had last seen him.  I really enjoyed sitting back and knowing that they could see how far he had come and all of us, including Darryl just ‘chewing the fat’.  I felt good about that, it was fuel for my soul and gave me a feeling  that my life is coming back too.  Those moments are like diamonds in the rough and just reward for the hard yards we have all put in, both family and friends.  Thank guys, you give me strength.

 Darryl made another comment to me a couple of days ago that shows his awareness of this situation is finding gravity.  He told me that he owes it to me to get better.  I took some time to explain to him that he doesn’t at all.  It went, something like this:

Darryl it is not me you owe it to, it isn’t your friends, your supporters, the staff here or any of us in your family.  You owe it to no-one other than yourself, and not because you got it wrong and need to put it right, not because you’ve had some bad luck and you need to square the ledger.  You owe it to you because only through real loss can real gain be found.

Think of it like this Darryl; when a mighty forest burns to the ground, it does so with great fury and creates a storm of fear as it destroys all that was previously great, but it is not until the burnt ashes of what once was great, lay dormant on the ground that the seeds of change can sprout.  And those seeds become the forest of tomorrow feeding off the burnt remnants of yesterday, far stronger, with more potential and with their horizons free from obstruction. 

Without that fire and that loss there can be no forest of tomorrow.  Darryl you owe no-one other than yourself to be that forest, otherwise the fire you were willing to endure has been for nothing and all that remains is charred barren earth.  So think not of the reasons for the fire but for the potential of the new forest.  You will stand tall, as do the Kauris that tickle the clouds back home in Northland.  You already do in my eyes.

Keep it up Darryl.

Dad.

Monday 13th – Sunday 19th July

Published on 20 July 2009 in Progress. 30 Comments

What a week!  Six weeks ago All Black’s coach Graham Henry and two of his team, Tanerau Latimer and Stephen Donald came to visit Darryl at the Rehab.  Graham had kept tabs on Darryl’s progress since leaving a note for him when he first hit the critical care ward.

The visit is lost to Darryl and photos and video is all he has to remind him that the event actually occurred.  That and the fact that every day since that visit a challenge laid down by Graham has been regaled to Darryl.  Graham, impressed by Darryl’s improvement at that point said to him that the ABs were returning to Auckland in six weeks time to play Australia in the first Tri Nations match of the series and if he could “get himself right by then” he could come to the game as a guest of the team.

There is no doubt that this unique invitation has served to motivate Darryl and when Graham rang me a few days ago to check on progress I was delighted to say Darryl was good to go!  What followed was an invitation by Graham to attend the AB’s captain’s run on Friday, followed by the game on Saturday.  So after a trial run earlier this week in the rehab van fitted out for a wheelchair, Darryl and I, with my brother Len as the driver, headed off to meet the AB squad at Eden park to watch the captain’s run.    

We arrived a little early and were waiting at the entrance to the player’s room when the bus pulled up laden with Darryl’s heroes.  It was a special moment when the coach and his assistants came out and shook Darryl’s hand, Wayne Smith saying that they knew all about Darryl and were pleased to have him here and what an inspiration he was to the team.

This was quickly followed by Darryl’s previous visitors, Tanerau and Stephen coming over to him, their genuine delight at seeing Darryl’s obvious improvement, providing a reminder of just how far he has come.  Darryl was pretty emotional and shed plenty of tears amidst this powerfully uplifting experience.  Having sad that, part of the phase Darryl is moving through is difficulty in controlling his emotions, good bad or otherwise, so in this sense his reaction was entirely anticipated.

We were taken out to the ground by Darren Shand the manager and Darryl watched with awe as the team went through its paces.  Many of the team came over and spoke with Darryl including his hero Richie McCaw who was brilliant with him and shared with Darryl the degree of inspiration his courage and determination had impacted on the team.  More tears from Darryl and a couple of quiet ones from me.

The icing on the cake came when after the haka was performed at the conclusion of the run, Darryl was invited to join in the team photo.  With great gusto I wheeled Darryl out onto the field and the ABs began to clear a space for his wheelchair.  I said “don’t worry about that, he’ll stand with you”.  I popped the chair in the middle and then he stood and Len whisked the chair away and the team closed around us like glove.

Sitiveni Sivivatu swooped under Darryl’s left arm and I held his right and Darryl grew a few inches taller and he stood alongside modern-day icons of the game.  It was a poignant moment and one I am told brought a tear to the eye of more than just Darryl.  

Just prior to leaving Darren approached Darryl with a souvenir he will treasure for ever.  Darren handed Darryl a real All Black team jersey with the reserve number 25 on its back.  On the front were the signatures of all the players and coaches.  Darren explained that the jersey was a real player’s jersey, not able to be purchased and something only ever given to players - All Blacks!  It is fair to say that Darryl was overwhelmed by the gesture and gift, its uniqueness and significance resonating powerfully with him I’m sure.

 Darren Shand organised logistics for us for Saturday night before we left, the plan being that we would be seated on the field alongside the AB reserves.  And so it was on Saturday evening we trundled along to Eden park with our VIP entry and parking taking care of.  We were met by Greg Shipton from the Northland Rugby Union (who has shown steadfast support throughout) who took us through to the ground and we were led over to the reserves bench where we were welcomed by some of the team support staff.  We watched the team warm up and as the ground filled, so did Darryl’s anticipation of kick off.

The ground erupted as Richie led the AB’s out and we stood Darryl up for the anthems.  My eyes filled with tears of pride as I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see my son singing our national anthem.  What a trooper!  After the haka and another round of tears of joy from Darryl, we sat and enjoyed Darryl’s first ‘big game’ experience.  It was a phenomenal experience for all concerned.  Len was grabbing heaps of photos and video, but I am sure that this memory will not fade from Darryl’s mind.  In fact, of the first ten weeks on this journey there is unlikely to be much Darryl will have to remember (thankfully in my view) but one of his first real ‘take home’ memories of his new life will be of being around his heroes and sharing in the game with them from as close as a vantage point as anyone is likely to get.  It was a fantastic experience for him on so many levels and I am sure he stood taller than ever before as we posed for a photo at the end of what was a successful game.

On the way out we were given the ‘icing on the cake’ treatment as we went by the changing rooms and Stephen Donald, who had a terrific game, came out to share a few words with Darryl on the game and the experience.  It was humbling to hear Stephen showing genuine interest and support for Darryl and all he has achieved to date.  They stood for many minutes hands clasped together, Darryl staring into Stephen’s eyes taking every word in.

It was with pride Darryl unzipped his AB jacket to show Stephen his own AB jersey he had been wearing for the game.  There really aren’t the words to describe the emotions I felt throughout.

Darryl was such a talented and fearless player, it would not be a stretch to suggest that he could have earnt himself his own ‘black jersey’.  The tragedy of the situation and circumstances in which he has found himself wearing one is something I find hard to make sense of in my mind, but I know that those two days and that jersey gave my son a lift that nothing else could have achieved.  Yes it is full of irony and sadness at a deep and even hurtful level, but who would have thought three months ago, when he was just moments from death, that Darryl would be standing on the sideline with the All Blacks singing the national anthem wearing his very own black jersey.  He may not have got it in the conventional way, but by God, that boy has earnt that jersey.      

I cannot speak more highly of Graham Henry, Darren Shand and the other management/coaching staff and of course the players, for the way they have embraced Darryl and put some added wind beneath his wings.  This was no token gesture, it was one of compassion, support and I’m sure, admiration.  Hats off to them all.  Fantastic!

You may be wondering how Darryl as been progressing, well as per so many other weeks of  late he is making short work of many milestones.  To name a few he has now done a ten minute burst on the exercycle, he is now walking without a sling for support, flanked by myself and the physio to help him along and maintain his balance.  He is gaining much more use of his right leg which is quickly catching up with his left, as too is the strength slowly starting to return in his right arm.

He now stands pretty much under his own steam and sits unassisted for as long as he needs to.  He is able to do most of his own washing and dressing of himself and is moving around a lot more both in his wheel chair and in bed.  He is coming back to life and gaining strength each day.  Not the least due to the fact that he is eating like a horse!!  In all it has been yet another week where he has shot ahead and gone from stength to strength – literally.  They say that this does plateau at some point, but I can’t see that point on the horizon yet, that’s for sure.

Darryl’s sense of humour and cheeky persona are coming back to the fore with a couple of really funny moments.  The other morning for example Brook, Darryl’s older brother was with us and Darryl calmly turns to him and says “hey Brook, can I have your brain?” At that point we all burst out laughing.

Darryl has also been making a lot of jokes about his memory which is obviously not functioning anything like what it should be.  It has become a source of quite a lot of humour.  A good example is when Len gave Darryl what he described as ‘pearls of wisdom (which I will share next).  Len read out what he had written up for Darryl and framed for him.  It was a powerful piece of advice and we were all a bit choked up.  I turned to Darryl and said, “there you go Darryl, does that ring true to you?”  To which he relied “yes….what I can remember of it.”  

I want to share with you what Len wrote, because it really does hit the nail on the head.  No pun intended!

“Shit Happens”, by Uncle Len

Shit happens Darryl, it’s what you do about it that counts.

Your attitude is more important than what has happened or what could have been.

It’s more important than circumstances, failures, success or what other people say, think or do.

It’s more important than appearance, skill or recognition, than money, intellect or status.

You can’t change the past and nor should you want to, your attitude has brought you here and your attitude will get you out of here.

The brilliant thing is that every day when you wake up you have a choice regarding the attitude you will embrace for the day.

Shit happens Darryl and there is no doubt that you have had your share, but always remember,

Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it!

Thanks Len, you are a great brother and a true friend.  I am so glad to have you alongside me in this mate.

Darryl, Uncle Len is right and you are showing us all just how much can be achieved with that ninety percent.  I’m proud to be your Dad and I was proud to be with you alongside the All Blacks.  You may not have run out onto that field but your presence there made just as much impact in my eyes.

Kia Kaha mate

Dad

Monday 6th July – Sunday 12th July

Published on 12 July 2009 in Progress. 24 Comments

Darryl continues to deliver in the recovery environment that has become his life, at least temporarily anyway.  It is with pride and a sense of relief that I see the therapists and specialists at this facility shake their heads with even helpings of admiration and astonishment as he surpasses their expectations each and every day.  It is a gratifying experience for all concerned to see this strapping young man making his way back, grabbing handfuls of the rope that he clung to in survival that now remains as a link to his former self.  Like a mountain climber who had fallen down the face of a cliff, he raises himself back one hand over another, one exhausting metre at a time.

This week has seen a daily haul of milestones yet again.  For the first time he was hoisted onto an exercycle and rode for five minutes, the last 60 seconds of which was nothing short of outstanding.  His legs drove up and down on the peddles with real determination and as the final second ticked over tears of relief and no doubt heartache ran down his cheeks.  The physio promptly rubbed his back and professed that he was progressing through her programme so quickly she was running out of activities for him. 

Following the bike ride Darryl had an excellent walk across and the gym and back, something that is improving every time we do it.  For the first time on Friday Darryl actually walked without the sling and hoist on as back up.  He had a physio on either side helping to give him balance and talk him through the motions he needed to coordinate, while I was at ground level assisting movement in his right leg, which is improving but still not moving as freely as the left.  Another major milestone out of the way.

Over the week he has improved markedly at holding a good sitting position and pushing up from this to a stand.  He also seems to be finding his balance far more and distributing his weight more evenly across both legs.  All these things which we all take for granted are having to be re-learnt.  As each physical milestone is reached it can effectively be ticked off and then built on.  Once he can do it, even if only poorly in the beginning, it demonstrates that the pathways exist and the improvement has the seeds from which to grow.

I often think of this process as comparable to a computer that has crashed and most of the files lost, but still stored on the hard drive.  And just as you would painstakingly recover lost files from a hard drive and restore them to normal operating systems, so too does Darryl recover the connections between his brain and the sea of nerve pathways that control his body functions, movement and coordination.  In this sense as each new file is found, the chance of a full and complete restore beckons.

Darryl’s eating has also turned a few heads having progressed within two weeks from nothing, to several large servings of each meal.  He is certainly making up for lost time there and on Friday, his feeding peg now entirely redundant, was removed from his stomach.  So, as with the trachie all that remains to remind us of this event is a small scar (notwithstanding the emotional scars that will not so easily be consigned to passing humour)

Darryl’s talking is improving each day and he has had a series of cognitive tests to ascertain the workings of executive function of the brain and his comprehension.  He has shown remarkable function in this area and even anticipates some of the tests giving answers before the question has even finished.  He has difficulty reading, not because he can’t read, but because his eyes are still recovering from damage to the cranial nerves (the 3rd and 4th nerves which control eye opening and movement).  He can write quite well, albeit with his left hand at the moment, but he knows what goes where and comprehends perfectly normally.   In all it demonstrates that the executive function in his brain is in tact and bodes well for a very good recovery. 

One of the real challenges this week has been trying to help Darryl comprehend the world he is now awakening to as he traverses the gap between the foggy existence of the past 11 weeks and sharper focus of ‘the now’.  As I mentioned last week he is shifting out of the state of post traumatic amnesia and the reality of the situation is becoming clearer.  He has stopped asking repeatedly what happened to him and seems to accept that it was due to playing rugby but struggles with the idea that he can’t remember it or the circumstances around it.  Possibly because this makes it seem even less real than the foreign environment he has woken to, or possibly because buried deep in his subconscious is the memory of the conversation he and I had the weekend before this  about the risks (as I saw them) of him playing and what could potentially happen.

The reality of his injury has come into clearer focus however as for the first time earlier this week, out of nowhere he said “Dad, I’m sorry I played rugby”.  At which stage we both dissolved into tears,  made less painful by a hug we embraced in, almost with relief.   

I say this because in the first few days of this nightmare as Darryl lay fighting for his life, I would have given anything to get to a point where I could simply tell Darryl what I now had the chance to say.  I told Darryl, that he didn’t need to be sorry, there was nothing to feel sorry for.  He was living life as he believed it was there to be lived and I understood why he played (despite my instinct as a parent screaming NO at the thought of it).

I explained to him that life is defined by its highs and lows and indeed it is not what happens in your life that is of real consequence so much as the way you deal with it.  So it is that character is chiselled from the rocks of adversity that fall like a landslide across the journey of life.  It may sound cliche but life is in my view 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent what you do about it.

Darryl, I am so relieved that I have been able to have that conversation with you.  So relieved I was able to just say “it’s OK”.  It has been a painful burden for me,  that the talk we had a week before this happened was near as can be to a script for what has actually happened.  And knowing you as I do, I know you would be hurting also, that what you truly believed wouldn’t happen, had.  I will never forget first seeing you in critical care, your painfully swollen head and trembling post operative body fighting for each heart beat.  I will never forget the total desperation I felt as my world collapsed inward on me and all that I thought was important dissolved like ice in a warm water.  I will never forget that all I wanted was the opportunity to say “it’s OK Darryl, it’s OK, don’t worry about it”.

I am just so glad I have now had that chance.  I am just so glad that the any sadness and remorse you may have shouldered through this horror, can be put to rest.  Some day, who knows, it could be that this hand that fate has dealt will show itself to have some higher or greater purpose.  It has definitely made me a better father and it will no doubt make you a better one some day too. 

I know there is a long way to go Darryl, but you are coming back, all the way – no question.  There is nothing to apologise for, there is no need to look back, life is what lays ahead of you, made better by what you have overcome along the way.  There are few ordeals that could be more challenging than that which you are overcoming now, but just as my instinct screamed that this would happen, so too does it tell me that you will recover to a full and outstanding life.

I am proud of you Darryl, because just as you said at the gym the other day. “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”. And you are going mate, you are going bloody well.

Dad.

Monday 29th June – Sunday 5th July

Published on 6 July 2009 in Progress. 33 Comments

Another week of multiple milestones has passed and Darryl’s journey back gathers more and more momentum, figuratively and literally.  The most significant of the achievements, at least in terms of physical demand was on Friday when Darryl managed to walk three lengths of the hoist track at the gym, a total of about 25 metres.

He did this from the safety of a sling from the track above, but it was not supporting him at all.  I stood in front and he put his hands on my shoulders to balance and the physio manipulated his right leg and foot which is still quite stiff.  One step after another however he made his way across the gym – three times no less.  Needless to say the words of Neil Armstrong sprang to mind as those first tentative steps were achieved. 

Aside from that however Darryl has been sitting on his own, doing partial squats, sitting on a swiss ball and transferring from his wheelchair to the plinth using a slide board rather than the hoist.  All of this is significant in that it shows his core body strength is returning and this is essential in standing. 

He continues to exercise in bed or we do a range of stretches and exercises  while he is in his wheelchair, all of which will hopefully ensure he won’t be in need of a wheelchair in the not too distant future.  It has emerged that with all the improvement and re-gaining of function, there is a trigger to start things ‘going’.  It may be slapping the muscle that needs to ’switch on’ or repeatedly moving the limb that can’t do it on its own.  In the case of talking, it was fostering a laugh from which self initiated sound could emerge.  There seems to be a magic switch for all of it and it’s just a case of trying to find where that switch is and how to flick it on, a process that sounds far less exhaustive than it is in practice.

The other major milestone has been the return of Darryls ability to eat and drink.  It is nothing short of astonishing!  He has over the past two weeks gone from sipping a tiny amount of water from a teaspoon, to having teaspoon or two of yogurt, to downing a magnificently large roast beef dinner this evening.  On Friday Darryl passed the ‘toast test’ meaning he could chew, and swallow toast and was therefore passed for eating a regular diet aside from steak.

From that moment on he has had three meals a day which have varied in size from one and a half servings of roast to four servings of stir fry beef and vegetables with mashed potatoes, followed by a pot of yogurt, two kiwifruit, two bowls of ice cream, a cup of coffee and then a cup of tea and four gingernuts!  The size of his meals is only matched by the gasps of amazement by the staff who are overjoyed at his rapid progress.

As his eating is improving (well returned to normal in a matter of days) so too has his ability to speak.  Due to a large extent to the exercise of the throat, tongue and facial muscles in chewing.  So too then, along with the numerous other achievements, has his talking improved.  He has come out with some classic ‘Darrylisms’ such as saying “charming” when he expelled yet another steam bomb, but each day he has also become more inquisitive about his fate and the reason for being at rehab.

He has asked repeatedly what happened to him and what is going on, which while alarming in some ways because he askes quite often, is apparently a very positive sign as it shows he is moving from a state of post traumatic amnesia into the ‘now’.  It also means that the gravity of the situation is beginning to dawn on him and the long road ahead and the weeks lost to him for all time are colliding as he emerges from the fog.

One of the difficulties of this phase is continually explaining to Darryl the same information as he can ask and forget within an hour or two as the brain begins to make and store memories of the ‘now’.  In this sense I do have the odd chuckle at the ground hog day factor when I catch myself giving the same answers to the same questions over and over.  I do manage to refine my answers through this process however.  It’s quite a forgiving way to parent actually, as if I don’t quite get it right the first, second or third time, chances are I’m going to get a few more goes at it with a clean slate each time.

In all though, so much improvement has occured this week on a number of different levels and Darryl continues to impress all at the rehab with his recovery and bring joy to us and no doubt you too as he moves great mounds of stones on his long way back.

Darryl, many weeks ago a very dark night descended on all of us and having survived the darkest hour before the dawn, the day broke with a thick blanket of fog which cast doubt on where the way forward was.  Well day by day that fog has lifted and the first real rays of sun have begun to shed their warmth on you and us all.

For the first time we can sense the promise of the new day and begin to search through the last threads of mist for the horizon.  I am so proud of you Darryl.  I am so glad you are back and with each new day you grow stronger and well,  just more you again.

You will probably not remember any of this, but buried deep in your subconcious will be the strengthened fabric of your character which has carried you to this point and has grown as you have fought your way back.

You are a very, very special young man.  Keep it up.

Love you Darryl

Dad