What a week! Six weeks ago All Black’s coach Graham Henry and two of his team, Tanerau Latimer and Stephen Donald came to visit Darryl at the Rehab. Graham had kept tabs on Darryl’s progress since leaving a note for him when he first hit the critical care ward.
The visit is lost to Darryl and photos and video is all he has to remind him that the event actually occurred. That and the fact that every day since that visit a challenge laid down by Graham has been regaled to Darryl. Graham, impressed by Darryl’s improvement at that point said to him that the ABs were returning to Auckland in six weeks time to play Australia in the first Tri Nations match of the series and if he could “get himself right by then” he could come to the game as a guest of the team.
There is no doubt that this unique invitation has served to motivate Darryl and when Graham rang me a few days ago to check on progress I was delighted to say Darryl was good to go! What followed was an invitation by Graham to attend the AB’s captain’s run on Friday, followed by the game on Saturday. So after a trial run earlier this week in the rehab van fitted out for a wheelchair, Darryl and I, with my brother Len as the driver, headed off to meet the AB squad at Eden park to watch the captain’s run.
We arrived a little early and were waiting at the entrance to the player’s room when the bus pulled up laden with Darryl’s heroes. It was a special moment when the coach and his assistants came out and shook Darryl’s hand, Wayne Smith saying that they knew all about Darryl and were pleased to have him here and what an inspiration he was to the team.
This was quickly followed by Darryl’s previous visitors, Tanerau and Stephen coming over to him, their genuine delight at seeing Darryl’s obvious improvement, providing a reminder of just how far he has come. Darryl was pretty emotional and shed plenty of tears amidst this powerfully uplifting experience. Having sad that, part of the phase Darryl is moving through is difficulty in controlling his emotions, good bad or otherwise, so in this sense his reaction was entirely anticipated.
We were taken out to the ground by Darren Shand the manager and Darryl watched with awe as the team went through its paces. Many of the team came over and spoke with Darryl including his hero Richie McCaw who was brilliant with him and shared with Darryl the degree of inspiration his courage and determination had impacted on the team. More tears from Darryl and a couple of quiet ones from me.
The icing on the cake came when after the haka was performed at the conclusion of the run, Darryl was invited to join in the team photo. With great gusto I wheeled Darryl out onto the field and the ABs began to clear a space for his wheelchair. I said “don’t worry about that, he’ll stand with you”. I popped the chair in the middle and then he stood and Len whisked the chair away and the team closed around us like glove.
Sitiveni Sivivatu swooped under Darryl’s left arm and I held his right and Darryl grew a few inches taller and he stood alongside modern-day icons of the game. It was a poignant moment and one I am told brought a tear to the eye of more than just Darryl.
Just prior to leaving Darren approached Darryl with a souvenir he will treasure for ever. Darren handed Darryl a real All Black team jersey with the reserve number 25 on its back. On the front were the signatures of all the players and coaches. Darren explained that the jersey was a real player’s jersey, not able to be purchased and something only ever given to players - All Blacks! It is fair to say that Darryl was overwhelmed by the gesture and gift, its uniqueness and significance resonating powerfully with him I’m sure.
Darren Shand organised logistics for us for Saturday night before we left, the plan being that we would be seated on the field alongside the AB reserves. And so it was on Saturday evening we trundled along to Eden park with our VIP entry and parking taking care of. We were met by Greg Shipton from the Northland Rugby Union (who has shown steadfast support throughout) who took us through to the ground and we were led over to the reserves bench where we were welcomed by some of the team support staff. We watched the team warm up and as the ground filled, so did Darryl’s anticipation of kick off.
The ground erupted as Richie led the AB’s out and we stood Darryl up for the anthems. My eyes filled with tears of pride as I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see my son singing our national anthem. What a trooper! After the haka and another round of tears of joy from Darryl, we sat and enjoyed Darryl’s first ‘big game’ experience. It was a phenomenal experience for all concerned. Len was grabbing heaps of photos and video, but I am sure that this memory will not fade from Darryl’s mind. In fact, of the first ten weeks on this journey there is unlikely to be much Darryl will have to remember (thankfully in my view) but one of his first real ‘take home’ memories of his new life will be of being around his heroes and sharing in the game with them from as close as a vantage point as anyone is likely to get. It was a fantastic experience for him on so many levels and I am sure he stood taller than ever before as we posed for a photo at the end of what was a successful game.
On the way out we were given the ‘icing on the cake’ treatment as we went by the changing rooms and Stephen Donald, who had a terrific game, came out to share a few words with Darryl on the game and the experience. It was humbling to hear Stephen showing genuine interest and support for Darryl and all he has achieved to date. They stood for many minutes hands clasped together, Darryl staring into Stephen’s eyes taking every word in.
It was with pride Darryl unzipped his AB jacket to show Stephen his own AB jersey he had been wearing for the game. There really aren’t the words to describe the emotions I felt throughout.
Darryl was such a talented and fearless player, it would not be a stretch to suggest that he could have earnt himself his own ‘black jersey’. The tragedy of the situation and circumstances in which he has found himself wearing one is something I find hard to make sense of in my mind, but I know that those two days and that jersey gave my son a lift that nothing else could have achieved. Yes it is full of irony and sadness at a deep and even hurtful level, but who would have thought three months ago, when he was just moments from death, that Darryl would be standing on the sideline with the All Blacks singing the national anthem wearing his very own black jersey. He may not have got it in the conventional way, but by God, that boy has earnt that jersey.
I cannot speak more highly of Graham Henry, Darren Shand and the other management/coaching staff and of course the players, for the way they have embraced Darryl and put some added wind beneath his wings. This was no token gesture, it was one of compassion, support and I’m sure, admiration. Hats off to them all. Fantastic!
You may be wondering how Darryl as been progressing, well as per so many other weeks of late he is making short work of many milestones. To name a few he has now done a ten minute burst on the exercycle, he is now walking without a sling for support, flanked by myself and the physio to help him along and maintain his balance. He is gaining much more use of his right leg which is quickly catching up with his left, as too is the strength slowly starting to return in his right arm.
He now stands pretty much under his own steam and sits unassisted for as long as he needs to. He is able to do most of his own washing and dressing of himself and is moving around a lot more both in his wheel chair and in bed. He is coming back to life and gaining strength each day. Not the least due to the fact that he is eating like a horse!! In all it has been yet another week where he has shot ahead and gone from stength to strength – literally. They say that this does plateau at some point, but I can’t see that point on the horizon yet, that’s for sure.
Darryl’s sense of humour and cheeky persona are coming back to the fore with a couple of really funny moments. The other morning for example Brook, Darryl’s older brother was with us and Darryl calmly turns to him and says “hey Brook, can I have your brain?” At that point we all burst out laughing.
Darryl has also been making a lot of jokes about his memory which is obviously not functioning anything like what it should be. It has become a source of quite a lot of humour. A good example is when Len gave Darryl what he described as ‘pearls of wisdom (which I will share next). Len read out what he had written up for Darryl and framed for him. It was a powerful piece of advice and we were all a bit choked up. I turned to Darryl and said, “there you go Darryl, does that ring true to you?” To which he relied “yes….what I can remember of it.”
I want to share with you what Len wrote, because it really does hit the nail on the head. No pun intended!
“Shit Happens”, by Uncle Len
Shit happens Darryl, it’s what you do about it that counts.
Your attitude is more important than what has happened or what could have been.
It’s more important than circumstances, failures, success or what other people say, think or do.
It’s more important than appearance, skill or recognition, than money, intellect or status.
You can’t change the past and nor should you want to, your attitude has brought you here and your attitude will get you out of here.
The brilliant thing is that every day when you wake up you have a choice regarding the attitude you will embrace for the day.
Shit happens Darryl and there is no doubt that you have had your share, but always remember,
Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it!
Thanks Len, you are a great brother and a true friend. I am so glad to have you alongside me in this mate.
Darryl, Uncle Len is right and you are showing us all just how much can be achieved with that ninety percent. I’m proud to be your Dad and I was proud to be with you alongside the All Blacks. You may not have run out onto that field but your presence there made just as much impact in my eyes.
Kia Kaha mate
Dad
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