After a couple of weeks of tough slog Darryl was rewarded with some great moments over the last week, all of which I think have contributed to great achievements. On Wednesday Darryl was once again a guest of the All Blacks at their training camp at Waitakere Stadium. Having attended their Captain’s run and the first Tri Nation’s game in Auckland three weeks ago we were again able to set some goals around the prospect of attending this training on the return of the team from South Africa.
We decided that being able to walk by this time was something to aspire to achieving and with a day to spare Darryl managed it. On the Tuesday morning Darryl took his first two steps on his own without any support. This was followed on the Wednesday morning (immediately before the AB training) by about 10 steps with minimal assistance. Needless to say when we were greeted by the All Black coaches, management and players, it was with Darryl standing proudly on his own two feet, something they were all impressed with and I was very proud of.
I took lots of photos and video of Darryl standing within metres of his All Black heroes as they went through their paces. He was engrossed throughout and while there is a sad and somewhat tragic irony to this, I have come to accept that while this game nearly cost him his life, it still fills him with life, albeit now it is from the ’sidelines’. The pride and feeling of achievement he felt was tangible when Stephen Donald, Tanerau Latimer (two who first visited him in rehab nine weeks ago) and many others came up to Darryl at the end of the training, sincerely astonished at his continued improvement and obvious determination. They are terrific young men for whom I have immense respect. I’m sure they have no end of ‘public duties’ of this nature but these guys care and are with Darryl in this 100 percent, something I would have to say is shared by Graham, Wayne, Steve and Darren Shand the manager. They have made Darryl feel like part of the team, a unique and unparalleled experience.
It was a fantastic couple of hours, right in there amongst it and probably one of the highlights was Brad Thorne coming up to Darryl at the end of the training telling him what an inspiration Darryl was to him personally and also to the team. He spoke of how Graham talked about Darryl in his team talks and the inspiration that players took from this. Tears rolled down Darryl’s cheeks as Brad shook his hand and marvelled at Darryl’s continued progress. Money can’t buy, nor doctors prescribe what that does for my son. It has been a privilege to be a part of the culture of this great group of men, a culture that is not always so obvious to the viewing public of New Zealand.
To give you some perspective of the lift his gives Darryl the following day with the aid of the physio Darryl walked over 50 metres, followed by more than 80 metres on Friday. It just catapulted him ahead. And this is the key to the rehab process in my view. You have to find what can turn each day, in fact each activity in each day, into something that counts towards the end goal .
Just like the nerve pathways and muscles need some form of stimulation or trigger to get them working again, I believe that flames of determination need to be fanned as well. That is the critical balance; physiological and psychological. Both are crucial to the success of each other, moreover the right psychological state harnesses the determination that is the fuel for so much of the physical advances. It is a matter of making each activity, each day and each experience count. Something I talk to Darryl about a lot. I guess that’s where Len’s (my bother) pearls of wisdom really to the fore; life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it.
The other first, and a big first it was too, was returning to the Far North to our family home to celebrate the 5th birthday of Darryl’s younger sister, Brenna. Darryl, Brook and I headed north on Friday afternoon arriving at about 7 pm. It was a horrible day to travel with pouring rain and howling winds, but nothing was going to take the shine off the significance of this trip. It was surreal to be home again, for both us. I have only been there for a matter of hours since D-Day back on the 25th of April and in some ways it was like I hadn’t left, but in other ways it was like I was walking into a foreign house. By Saturday this feeling was subsiding and the familiarity and normality of Darryl being back home was a real delight.
We had a great day on Saturday with lots of visitors for Brenna’s party followed by an evening sitting on the deck with Darryl, family and friends, sharing a lot of laughs, memories and the simple joy of having Darryl around having cheated death.
His walking has improved so much he didn’t use the wheel chair at all while at home and so many other ’normal’ things were able to happen, from brushing his teeth standing up to having a shower and watching rugby while sitting on the couch. Each day it seems, he gains back more and more of the ability to do the simple things in life he and indeed we have all taken for granted. It was a little sad to have to drive back, but there is a clearer perspective of just how quickly we are approaching a time that he will be ready and able to return home. That puts wind beneath the wings and that is something to savour.
There was a multitude of emotions over this week, it seemed there was so much happening and great piles of ’stones’ being carried away, so to speak. Probably the most poignant for me however was on the way up home when I glanced over at Darryl and my mind went rewinding back to a time about two years ago and the last time Darryl and I drove back from Auckland together. It was on that occasion two years ago that Darryl and I argued about what the doctor had said about his risk of further injury and harm. The words “there’s nothing to suggest this would happen again” echo through my mind and resonate to my very core on a daily basis and just at that moment as I was caught in reflection, the reality of this twisted hand of seemingly pre-scripted fate is as raw as ever and a feeling of real sadness dawned.
These moments happen far less now than in the early days and I guess in some ways they help remind me of the focus that is still required to get all the way back ‘home’ regardless of how long that trip can seem at times. I try to pre-empt them, to anticipate the blind shot that these feelings can be, but it was of course almost impossible when we returned to our family home a place that is built upon the memories of Darryl’s life prior to this injury.
So it was that the thoughts and memories that the weekend stirred up became the topic of some conversation between Darryl and I as we neared the rehab on Sunday night. It was a chance to re-focus the body and mind to the days and weeks ahead.
Darryl, from tragedy of the past grows the opportunities of the future. It is one of the most basic rules of nature; there can be no gain without first being a loss. The tide would not rise if at first it did not recede. The sun would not rise if at first it had no set. A new forest can not grow until the one that stood before it has fallen.
It is quite simple, there can be no gain if at first there is not loss and therefore gaining is about how you deal with loss. So it is that loss is something to be dealt with as the foundations of growth, improvement and change. Focus on these, not the loss itself. That to me is the determining factor of success; the ability to focus your thoughts and energy on the possibility and promise of growth which is born of the loss itself . They are two sides of the same coin, but remember, only one side can face upward at a time.
So often Darryl you ask me if you will be normal again….No, you can never be normal again. Fate has lead you down a path from which you could not return as normal, because it is a path only extraordinary people can return from. Keep focused on the gains to be made and what needs to be done to achieve them and one day Darryl you will look back on this time as a defining chapter in a life I have no doubt will be extraordinary.
I am proud of each step you take and I know how hard you work for each and every one of them.
Love always
Dad
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