After a couple of weeks of tough slog Darryl was rewarded with some great moments over the last week, all of which I think have contributed to great achievements. On Wednesday Darryl was once again a guest of the All Blacks at their training camp at Waitakere Stadium. Having attended their Captain’s run and the first Tri Nation’s game in Auckland three weeks ago we were again able to set some goals around the prospect of attending this training on the return of the team from South Africa.
We decided that being able to walk by this time was something to aspire to achieving and with a day to spare Darryl managed it. On the Tuesday morning Darryl took his first two steps on his own without any support. This was followed on the Wednesday morning (immediately before the AB training) by about 10 steps with minimal assistance. Needless to say when we were greeted by the All Black coaches, management and players, it was with Darryl standing proudly on his own two feet, something they were all impressed with and I was very proud of.
I took lots of photos and video of Darryl standing within metres of his All Black heroes as they went through their paces. He was engrossed throughout and while there is a sad and somewhat tragic irony to this, I have come to accept that while this game nearly cost him his life, it still fills him with life, albeit now it is from the ’sidelines’. The pride and feeling of achievement he felt was tangible when Stephen Donald, Tanerau Latimer (two who first visited him in rehab nine weeks ago) and many others came up to Darryl at the end of the training, sincerely astonished at his continued improvement and obvious determination. They are terrific young men for whom I have immense respect. I’m sure they have no end of ‘public duties’ of this nature but these guys care and are with Darryl in this 100 percent, something I would have to say is shared by Graham, Wayne, Steve and Darren Shand the manager. They have made Darryl feel like part of the team, a unique and unparalleled experience.
It was a fantastic couple of hours, right in there amongst it and probably one of the highlights was Brad Thorne coming up to Darryl at the end of the training telling him what an inspiration Darryl was to him personally and also to the team. He spoke of how Graham talked about Darryl in his team talks and the inspiration that players took from this. Tears rolled down Darryl’s cheeks as Brad shook his hand and marvelled at Darryl’s continued progress. Money can’t buy, nor doctors prescribe what that does for my son. It has been a privilege to be a part of the culture of this great group of men, a culture that is not always so obvious to the viewing public of New Zealand.
To give you some perspective of the lift his gives Darryl the following day with the aid of the physio Darryl walked over 50 metres, followed by more than 80 metres on Friday. It just catapulted him ahead. And this is the key to the rehab process in my view. You have to find what can turn each day, in fact each activity in each day, into something that counts towards the end goal .
Just like the nerve pathways and muscles need some form of stimulation or trigger to get them working again, I believe that flames of determination need to be fanned as well. That is the critical balance; physiological and psychological. Both are crucial to the success of each other, moreover the right psychological state harnesses the determination that is the fuel for so much of the physical advances. It is a matter of making each activity, each day and each experience count. Something I talk to Darryl about a lot. I guess that’s where Len’s (my bother) pearls of wisdom really to the fore; life is 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent how you react to it.
The other first, and a big first it was too, was returning to the Far North to our family home to celebrate the 5th birthday of Darryl’s younger sister, Brenna. Darryl, Brook and I headed north on Friday afternoon arriving at about 7 pm. It was a horrible day to travel with pouring rain and howling winds, but nothing was going to take the shine off the significance of this trip. It was surreal to be home again, for both us. I have only been there for a matter of hours since D-Day back on the 25th of April and in some ways it was like I hadn’t left, but in other ways it was like I was walking into a foreign house. By Saturday this feeling was subsiding and the familiarity and normality of Darryl being back home was a real delight.
We had a great day on Saturday with lots of visitors for Brenna’s party followed by an evening sitting on the deck with Darryl, family and friends, sharing a lot of laughs, memories and the simple joy of having Darryl around having cheated death.
His walking has improved so much he didn’t use the wheel chair at all while at home and so many other ’normal’ things were able to happen, from brushing his teeth standing up to having a shower and watching rugby while sitting on the couch. Each day it seems, he gains back more and more of the ability to do the simple things in life he and indeed we have all taken for granted. It was a little sad to have to drive back, but there is a clearer perspective of just how quickly we are approaching a time that he will be ready and able to return home. That puts wind beneath the wings and that is something to savour.
There was a multitude of emotions over this week, it seemed there was so much happening and great piles of ’stones’ being carried away, so to speak. Probably the most poignant for me however was on the way up home when I glanced over at Darryl and my mind went rewinding back to a time about two years ago and the last time Darryl and I drove back from Auckland together. It was on that occasion two years ago that Darryl and I argued about what the doctor had said about his risk of further injury and harm. The words “there’s nothing to suggest this would happen again” echo through my mind and resonate to my very core on a daily basis and just at that moment as I was caught in reflection, the reality of this twisted hand of seemingly pre-scripted fate is as raw as ever and a feeling of real sadness dawned.
These moments happen far less now than in the early days and I guess in some ways they help remind me of the focus that is still required to get all the way back ‘home’ regardless of how long that trip can seem at times. I try to pre-empt them, to anticipate the blind shot that these feelings can be, but it was of course almost impossible when we returned to our family home a place that is built upon the memories of Darryl’s life prior to this injury.
So it was that the thoughts and memories that the weekend stirred up became the topic of some conversation between Darryl and I as we neared the rehab on Sunday night. It was a chance to re-focus the body and mind to the days and weeks ahead.
Darryl, from tragedy of the past grows the opportunities of the future. It is one of the most basic rules of nature; there can be no gain without first being a loss. The tide would not rise if at first it did not recede. The sun would not rise if at first it had no set. A new forest can not grow until the one that stood before it has fallen.
It is quite simple, there can be no gain if at first there is not loss and therefore gaining is about how you deal with loss. So it is that loss is something to be dealt with as the foundations of growth, improvement and change. Focus on these, not the loss itself. That to me is the determining factor of success; the ability to focus your thoughts and energy on the possibility and promise of growth which is born of the loss itself . They are two sides of the same coin, but remember, only one side can face upward at a time.
So often Darryl you ask me if you will be normal again….No, you can never be normal again. Fate has lead you down a path from which you could not return as normal, because it is a path only extraordinary people can return from. Keep focused on the gains to be made and what needs to be done to achieve them and one day Darryl you will look back on this time as a defining chapter in a life I have no doubt will be extraordinary.
I am proud of each step you take and I know how hard you work for each and every one of them.
Love always
Dad
You two are purely stunning, you know that, don’t you? And I’m sure there are so many others there in the background too but I don’t read of them in the same way I find you two present here.
I read this and I see the hero in Darryl, in the way he fights every obstacle and comes back to life in ways I hadn’t anticipated. And then in his dad, the man who has been there, thinking, always thinking how to get that boy of yours back, with intuition, intelligence and with so much love that I’m always a bit wobbly within a couple of paragraphs of every post that I find here.
This is a beautiful story and surely in a place I didn’t expect to find so much beauty and strength, courage and stamina.
Congratulations to you both because you are surely an extraodinary pair.
Kindest regards
Di
Way to go Dazzla
I am glad the All Blacks coaches see you as the inspiration to their players, that perfectly sums up the importance of just how far you have come… Well done Darryl keep up the hard slog
Seven weeks Brother and counting
Well done Darryl, back home at last, even if it is just weekend leave at the moment. What a priceless 5th birthday present for Brenna.
It’s amazing what the human spirit can achieve given powerful goals – the mutual inspiration that obviously exists between both you and the ABs is great. who knows what effect you are having on our National team Darryl on all sorts of levels.
Have a great week, I’m sure you’ll be rewarded with a complete return home to Northland before too long.
Good progress buddy!!!!
Kia kaha!!!!
Bill Thurston
Good on you Darryl cant wait to catch up
Holly Urlich
Hi Darryl
sounds like you’re another few steps closer to Grandma Merlene’s ‘HOME COOKING’. OMG…how good does that sound!!! yum yum. Mike, i’m sure you’re ‘up there’ in the culinary department too but ya momma’s cooking ROCKS!!! I can smell the peanut brownies baking from here…aaaah stop…i’ll be drooling on the keypad.
Ok my little tougheez stay positive and i’m thinking of ya all
Righteo then, all this talk about food is making me very hungry.
tears rolling down my cheeks!
you both are awesome and what a lucky lil sis to have her big brother home for her b.day!
theres nothing like your own bed,the feeling of being home sweet home!yourl be there permentally in no time
mums home in two weeks-yippeee
then i can go home sweet home;and hopfully come visit soondouble yiipppeeee
went to circus solay this weekend-it was so intense,really shows you what the human body can do so keep pushing yours D,coz i bet it can do tricks of repair and recovery that you dont even no about!every one was like ripped as-huge muscles-even the chicks,
i geuss with all your gym work,body building will be your new carrer!haha
might be going in the welsford pig hunting comp at the end of this month with my uncle
last time i went with mum and didnt get anything and got lost in the bush behind tubbseys at diggers!so this time i thought mmm ill go with someone different!(i didnt say that);)
keep up the extrodinary work buddy
thinking of you more than any one knows
love always
your friend
bonXxx:)
Like Bonnie I too had tears in my eyes.Thank goodness for the A.B`s.I only hope Mike ,that the announcement from A,C.C. yesterday will not affect you too much.Keep up the good work both of you.
Good Afternoon Dazzla.
Phoow, what a lot of progress hey!
When will “you be you again ? “ Never Dazzla! You’re guna be you AND a whole lot more! You’re guna be a better you.
TIME, its just guna take time, and you WILL get there.
It was so cool reading Hayley’s reminiscing stories of you. You are such an awesome person Dazzla, so advanced beyond your age. Hayley said her and Allen got to come down and visit you on the weekend. How cool. It must have been so nice to be in comfortable, familiar surroundings. Makes you want to fight harder, to get back there permanently.
I’m hopefully doing a fun Run/ walk this weekend, called Pub 2 Pub. Think the registrations have all run out, but we will see.
You are very inspirational Darryl, whether you think or believe it or not. What you are doing, what happened to you and the way you are “handling” it, is far beyond most people Dazzla. People look at you and they think . . . Holy Shit, that guy is amazing, I don’t know if I would be able to do that. People look at you and they are proud. I know I am. Proud to know you, proud to have you in my life, and so proud of what you are doing.
You Rock Dazzla.
Keep on Dazzling.
XxXx Lulu*.
Quietly following your journal and journey…..awesome words Mike,that really capture the love a father has for his son and bring a tear to my eye.
Both of you are inspirational!
Hi Darryl and the family Sorry I was not home when Mike rang.Would have been great to catch up. The light at the end of that tunnel must be brighter now. Just marvellous that you were able to get home for the weekend -that must surely lift you all All your mates that came to see you would have left really buzzing. Each of your steps will now be stronger mate ,just shows that if there is a will there is a way- determination to recover is yours. Hope Mike was able to play the disk of Jimmy for you to watch.Will stay in touchand Mike just fantastic getting the writeups on the lad
Bye for now Merv+Gail
hey d
hope ypur having a fantastic wekk!
love always
thinking of you
your freind
BonXxx:)
Wow, amazing. Keep it up Darryl.
Love
Steph and Lance
Hi Darryl
Was great to catch up with you in Auckland last week.
We have started weighing bulls again to go to the works and a unit of bulls went out on Wednesday.
Lambing is now in full flight with lots of little white bodies everywhere.
The cows are a little slower this year but there are a few calves in each paddock.
At the moment we have Downer Construction working on widening the road from the lookout to north of Thoms Landing 14.
Latimer and I have had to locate all the water lines that run under the road so they don’t get ripped up.
Deane is having 3 days off for a pig hunting/fishing competition in Te Hapua.
The general hands are busy refencing all the lane way holding paddocks in the lookout area.
Fishing has been good with Kathleen catching 3 snapper on Saturday and then 5 trevally yesterday. Will be chasing whitebait and flounder on the weekend.
Keep up the good work.
Regards
Max, Kathleen, Deane, Latimer, Lewis and Sandy
Well he may not be exactly his old normal again but he’ll be OK facing the challenges, because Darryl has amazing spirit. I don’t think I could achieve what he has – mainly as I’m a physical wimp. He’ll also be OK because he has a family that is as much a team as the ABs, and transfers the vital energy just like donating blood, when its needed. Oneday it will be less needed and Darryl will know himself in his new much more independent normal – all of our “normals” for us do evolve too. With brain injury families sometimes run a mile, and that is when people struggle to be OK. The great thing is that (with some “adjustments”) Darryl is still Darryl and his loyals clearly are 100% behind and support the recovery. Still early days in healing calendars, but I’m confident he’ll get to a good place in time because to have come this far when things looked so hopeless and arose big fears initially – well its meant to be that he’ll make it. Coming back from the edge was no mean feat.
You can tell Darryl that strangers (to him) reading the blog are so proud. Wha he’s done makes the ABs look like pussys actually!
What fantastic progress you are making Darryl – we are so very very proud of you.
We could not help but think of you as the AB’s slogged it out against those Ozzies. Every play was a hard graft and the opposition relentless.
When Richie McCaw said after the game that the difference with playing a test was that when you had absolutely nothing left in the “tank”, you had to find that bit extra from somewhere very deep within yourself just to carry on and “do the business” – it seemed to sum up your journey thus far. We know it is hard, and often tortuous but your progress is inspirational.
Kia kaha Darryl – Whangas is right behind you.
Hey there bro,
once again, even tho i dont knw you at all or had the honour to hav a beer, il just let u know from all of us down here that it is truly awsome and inspirational like nothing else following u on this journey Darryl, and we all want u to know that we share the most respect and best wishes for u bro
and there will always be a cold one waiting for u down here
Kia kaha brother , keep on pushin
best vibes and th deepest respect
Nathan, Vinnie, Kate, Jordy and the rest
ps hopefully u got the random drawing we all did for u in the post. if u didnt notice there was a special speights aroma we channeld 2 ya thru it! haha