It’s been a tough week. Excellent in so many ways but heartbreaking in others. I guess this is something I and we as a family have got used to over the past few months, but it doesn’t make it any easier to be honest. In fact the closer we get to ‘normality’ (if in fact there is such a thing anymore) the harder much of this seems to be to understand and deal with.
Darryl has been making great progress with his mobility and now has little use for the wheelchair as we are walking everywhere. Of course when I say walking ,I mean I am standing in front of him helping to guide him in what could be described as a rehab waltz akin to a poor performance on dancing with the stars. He has also been doing a bit of work with a walking stick to try and give him a bit better balance, although over the weekend we had some good success with using the lancewood staff he made me (also known by Darryl as the stick of misery).
Darryl still has trouble with his right leg and foot and a lot of effort is needed to try and coordinate the use of this leg as opposed to the left, in the main because it a little stiffer and has less range of active movement . This is also the case with his right arm which is still largely limited in function and something I am working really hard to change. We exercise this arm several times a day and the gains are coming, but slowly. He can now move it around quite well in most ranges but his shoulder is very very week, which effectively limits all the other movement of the arm. But when you look at where we are now compared to two weeks ago, let alone two months ago, it is clear he is right on track.
This was all confirmed at the beginning of the week when we had an appointment with the surgeon who saved Darryl’s life, Mr. Andrew Law. The appointment was to set in place a plan for his cranioplasty (repairing the large piece of skull that has been removed from the right side of his head). I was really nervous about this meeting, not so much because of what it was for, but because it is very humbling to meet a person who has saved your child’s life.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the almost instantaneous recoil into the horror of the days in which Darryl hung tenuously to life back in critical care. Mr. Law explained how near death Darryl was and how he fought for him, from the beginning. He said Darryl was one of those special cases where he wanted to give him every chance despite the odds that he faced. He discussed the third day and how he basically worked Darryl up enough until he finally got a reaction out of him – the now famous ’thumbs up’. It was on the morning of this third day that we were being prepared to face the most abhorrent of all decisions, one of whether to accept the death of your child or not. That response from Darryl, that Mr. Law worked so hard to get, that he fought for, was the turning point and a day I will never forget . Hearing him talk about it brought that day back to me like it had never left. I felt the room starting to turn and my stomach tighten the same as it had months ago. I felt the unexplainable fear of life slipping though my hands like sand and as fast as you try to gather it back up it seems to fall back through your fingers. It was all I could do to not fall off my chair. I looked across at Darryl as if to remind myself that it was all a dream, well nightmare to be more accurate, that I had woken from. And in many ways that is the case. In any event Darryl was sitting in a chair beside me, the same Darryl I knew on the 24th of April, albeit a little less functional (at the moment).
Mr. Law spent almost an hour talking with Darryl and I and explained a number of things about his injury and recovery, which in the main was very positive. So it should be, he is a walking talking miracle and testimony to the power of the human spirit as far as I am concerned. Unfortunately however Darryl picked up on one comment from Mr. Law about the possibility of a less than 100 percent recovery of his right arm due to the nature of the injury. From the seeds of this conversation grew a number of days of pure heartache for Darryl.
On the way back from the appointment to the rehab Darryl started to make comments that he wouldn’t make a 100 percent recovery, which I tried to explain to him was not the case it all, but he must accept that after any injury things are changed, normal is no longer what it used to be, but that wouldn’t mean that he wouldn’t get back to 100 percent, in his ‘new’ self.
Unfortunately my pep talk only headed off the melt down for an hour or so and later back at the rehab he was sobbing his heart out. This was the first of three or four episodes of total dispair and grieving from Darryl over the next few days. On one occasion it was on the way back from the gym and in frustration at his effort to coordinate his walking he looked me in the eye and started crying, “saying I’m so sorry Dad, all this for a game of rugby” at which time he dissolved in to heart wrenching tears. Well we both did actually.
It was an emotionally draining few days and I was doing all I could to hold things together myself, let alone ensuring Darryl’s mood and spirit were kept in check as best as possible. Part of me was really angry that in December 2007 when Darryl sat in a clinical appointment with neurologist who amongst so many other things said “there’s nothing on this scan to say that if you played again, that this would happen again”. And that is all that Darryl ‘heard’ – the good stuff as he saw it, justification for playing again. While on this occasion amongst so much other good stuff, all he could hear was something that was concerning, potentially negative. The irony was like a punch in the stomach, but something I had to swallow and ignore, for Darryl’s sake.
So in a week when Darryl has physically made some fantastic progress, psychologically he has been to rehab hell and back. And for each tear that fell from his cheeks my sense of sadness and stomach turning sorrow for his journey through the realisation of his life-changing injury, has grown. For this reason I have to keep telling myself that as improved as Darryl is on what he was and what was expected, nothing less than 100 percent will do.
Darryl, no matter what, you must believe that your destiny is in your own hands. Never let anyone put limits on what you might do, or be able to achieve. I believe in you and you must also. You are here because of who you are and because even in the depths of a life-threatening coma, you weren’t prepared to let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t be here. You proved them wrong then and you will do it again.
Your goal will determine your outcome Darryl, not anyone else’s perception of its achievability. And my promise to you is that I will not give up on believing in your ability to achieve the goals you set.
I love you Darryl and I am proud to be your father.
Dad.
Oh Darryl, a rough week mate, not cool…
I think I am just as dissapointed in the surgeons comment as I am disgusted in the Neurologist comment of being able to play again, hope he got a glimpse of your story – might make him think a little harder on playing God.
Dazzla I know it is silly for my to get upset about it, but I have seen how far you have come, how happy you were last weekend, how cool you still are,and how in a cool way you have brought so many people together. We all completely hold huge faith that you will make a full recovery, I mean come on Darryl you are you after all.
Sorry you got deflated, I hope we can all give you the warm air you need to help you to rise again. You are like the great Kuari to me you may bend but you wont break!!!
Take care Dazzla and keep you chin up
Love and respect
The Tubbs Family
Hey Darryl,
One of those weeks aye. Well lad, you have come on too far now and although the battle has moved from your body to your head there is no need to not fight. There are still many things in your control and if you can display the same strength and courage as you have till now miracles still happen and no-one can say who they happen for. Keep up the good work and let the negative thoughts go. Thinking of you in your new battle.
Regards jane
So sorry to hear you’ve had such a rollercoaster week, the journey after a brain injury is unfortunately a bit of a rough ride at times.
However, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years it is to keep an open mind about recovery and what can be achieved!
Opinions are just that, opinions, made with the best knowledge and experience, however, you’ve exploded a few opinions so far Darryl, so keep on going.
No matter what the future holds, and no-one really knows, you are and always will be 100% Darryl and from what you’ve proved so far, a force to be reconed with. I’m sure Mr Law will be only to happy for you to prove his opinion incorrect and the only way to do that is to keep aiming high.
Here’s hoping the rollercoaster is on a smoother piece of track this week.
Kia Kaha Darryl
You know where you are going mate.
Failing to plan is planning to fail!!!!
And we know that you have a plan.
Stick to it buddy no matter what!!!
Kia kaha!!
Bill Thurston
Heya Darryl,
Bit’ve a heart wretching week huh??
Brought tears to my eyes too.
I know you’re tougher than that….I’ve seen the evidence!
Just keep believing and you’ll keep beating the odds…..I promise!
You know where to reach me if you need.
Hads.
Hey Mike and Darryl, Big Hugs to you both! What can we say – well nothing really. It’s all up to You Darryl. It’s All up to You and You’ll show em allright! Take care, our best wishes are always with you.
Hi Darryl,
Once again you bring back so many ‘Aaron’ memories. I used to tell him when he was really sick, and fighting so hard, that he was the bravest person I know.
I now have to say, Darryl – you are the bravest person I don’t know.
Keep climbing that mountain young man.
You’re well on the way to the top.
Just keep climbing and don’t look down.
Stay strong little one.
Hi Darryl,
One of the hardest things i had to deal with after my accident was trying get back to “normal” when it really didn’t exist the same way it did before. At first i went through a grieving process for many of the things i could no longer do, but while a lot of doors closed, a lot more doors opened.
I learned to appreciate a lot of things i always took for granted, especially my family and friends. The more i looked at myself the more i realized in a lot of ways i was actually better off because of what had happened to me and what i had gone through. I have an appreciation for things i never had before.
Every day i still struggle with certain things, mentally, physically and emotionally, but i am in a place now where i am actually happier than i was before my accident. Yeah it is tough to deal with right now, but it WILL get easier to deal with.
Stay strong Darryl.
screw that doctor’s comment. I think he should not tell Darryl that he might not get 100% as his recovery. screw him.
Darryl, please dont take that sersiours, dont let that to pull you down. You should give 150% of will to show him you can do it, show him that his prediction was worng. Please remember there are some people outthere who are still supporting you and your dad.
Be the best of you, Darryl.
ohh darryl,
i wish i was there to give you a big hug!
like william says
youve showen all of us you can beat death,and not every one can do that,now show everyone you can recover 150%
in saying that you will be different
but not in a bad way,yourl be way cooler with more knowlegde of life than any of us ever will have!
you gotta hold your head up high and remember how many people are willing to except you for who you are,
doctors are stupid!haha(as grateful as we all are for them saving your life!)
well..whats new:i was at home with some mates and guess who happened to turn up on the deck!
my brother,he is ment to be in perth but got sick of it and came home!
nearly shat myself when he came through the door with a smile saying”hey sis!”
so that made my week:mum comes home on sunday and holy shit itl be good to be home and visit the whanau&mates up north,havent been up there for what seems like ever!bet the boys have grown so much,cant wait to see edwards new house and tubbseys new farm
D,were all here the amount of support you have is unbeleivable
there will be days of downess but you just gotta let it all out then pull yourself up and carry on with a big smile:)
in no time yourl be back were you belong up north
with a billion more mates than you had before!
love you always
ill always be here
bonXx:)
Probably like everyone else, I wish there was something I could do that would make some difference, give you a little more of what you need for the road. We’ve watched this miracle of determination and strength, disbelievingly sometimes because I’m not sure I would have the strength to do what you guys have done.
I imagine the grieving and the tears for what was is time out as you find your way back. If anybody can, Darryl can and I don’t feel like I’m just writing words. You have so many people, strangers (and All Blacks) who completely believe in your abilities to move mountains, both of you. So it’s okay to stop and rest, or to stop and grieve but you’ve come so far and we’re so sure that there’s more.
‘Sterkte!’ is what they say here in Belgium, it translates as ‘Strength’, and it’s a wish for someone who isn’t feeling well or has something difficult to do. ‘Sterkte, Darryl and Mike’ but I know that you guys will get there … however long it takes.
All the very best,
Di
Sorry to hear about your bad week guys.Just keep on doing as well as you can and prove them all wrong.Reading your blog has become an inspirational start to my week.Mike– you have a great talent in the way you are writing this `story`.Hopefully one day you will be able make it into a book.Well done.
You take what that Doctor said and use it to muster up that stubborn side in you; so that in a couple of months you can meet with him again, shake right hands and show him your 100%. We believe you can do it, so don’t give up!
Much love
Steph and Lance
on a lighter note Darryl, forgot to mention we borrowed ur dog Taz on Sat to move our calves (days of chasing cows on foot, waving a big stick are long gone)..were bringin him back from Eric’s in the back of Mike’s truck and all the way long the highway he’d be watching the oncoming traffic then as they passed by he’d run to the back window as if to snap at each vehicle, ‘Go On! you’d better Run too! Eric was crackin up laughing. I said, ‘if Darryl were here he’d tell Taz to Sit Down!’ but yeah I was so busy twisting my neck round watching Taz I got a sore neck but I’m still smiling (when I’m not bein grumpy) and all we want is for you to smile Too Darryl and keep gettin better. We love you Heaps!
Mike,
Had you fell from the chair when the painfull memories hit you like an IED while talking to the intial MD, you would have simply gotten back up from your own strength and that of your frriends and family.
Any time you need me just call and I will be there.
Max
Hi Darryl.
Great to hear the physical progress that you have made. Sheer grit and determination has got you to where you are mate and you have and no doubt will continue to make incredible progress. You know – being told some negitive can be a real motivating force to prove people wrong a lot of the time especially for someone of your character. You have already proven this many times already. As you mate above said – use it and proove people wrong. Everyone is behind you 110%.
Keep it up Darryl and keep on fighting.
Cheers
Walsh Clan.
Hi Darryl
After an inch of rain last Sunday the Station is looking really well.
During the week we drafted the yearling bulls into size mobs and moved them to the Paua Flats.
Went to Browns lease and drenched the yearling heifers.
The lambing ewes in the Airstrip paddock were moved to Enrights.
The ewes are about 2/3 through lambing at the moment.
Roadworks continue outside the workshop and are going south to Latimers house. The road is being widened and will be sealed in October.
The general hands are renewing the holding paddocks and laneway fences at the lookout and shearers quarters.
Kathleen caught 3 nice snapper on Sunday the heaviest was 7.54kg.
She has been crowing ever since.
Keep taking giant steps.
Regards
Kathleen, Max, Deane, Latimer, Lewis and Sandy
Good Morning Dazzla
Dazzla I cry often for you. Because it hurts me to know that you have to be going through this.
Specially when I listen to Kings of Leon. Right in the beginning when your accident first happened and I came over to see you, ever time Hayley and I where on the journey down to see you or on the way home we would listen to Kings of Leon the whole way because it reminded us of you so much. We would spend most of the way down Crying our eyes out and singing along, and just kept saying out loud “COME ON DAZZLA, COME ON DAZZLA!” “You can do it.” (And you did.)
It was so upsetting to us to know that doctors said you might not make it, it made us almost angry, cus we knew you, we knew who you were and we knew you would make it. We couldn’t comprehend why anyone would in a sense “give up” on you and make such a comment.
And the times when I did see you I left your room with an overwhelming sense that everything was going to be ok. And that feeling was being put off by you, Even the state you were in! How amazing is that!
To be honest before I came over I was really angry that doctors were saying that, cus they clearly didn’t know you and know what you were capable of!!! And so the tale comes round again. Doctors are amazing people and know a lot about the human body BUT they don’t know you as well as you know yourself. They can only speculate and make assumptions.
It’s their job to tell you, every outcome that could happen, from a scale from good to bad. But you know you best and you know you will make a full recovery. And we all know you, and know you will make a full recovery! If you could survive (life itself) when people thought you might not, then F@#& Dazzla you WILL make your arm work even if people think you might not. Someone telling you your arm might not work properly is like telling me I cant ever run a marathon. Yes I can! Thats their opinion and fair enough they are entitled to it, But I know myself better than they do and I know that if I try, try and try and work hard at it I can do it! Same goes with you Dazzla, YOU are in control of what will and will not happen with your body.
I Love you Dazzla, I Love you for who you are and for what an awesome friend you have been to me.
You mean so much to so many people and all those people believe in you and 100% know that you can do what ever you want to do.
By the way someone didn’t actually tell me that I couldn’t run a marathon I was just using it as an example, and besides I probably would have punched them in the face and told them to get lost. HA ha.
But because luckily your a much nicer person than me, you didn’t punch your doctor in the face or anyone for that matter, and you’re hopefully guna take that anger (and Sorrow) and use it to make you achieve your goals.
Ahh Dazzla I Miss you, your rock, you make me smile and you make me happy.
Keep on rocking.
XxXx Lulu*.