Probably the easiest way to describe the last seven days is to make a comparison with a house build. In the beginning there is a lot of ground work going on as the foundations are established and the floor is poured. Upon this the frame is built and the house will quickly take shape, with a roof and walls giving the impression of a near completed home. However it is only at this point that the finishing work can go on. The detail can be competed and the shell becomes a living space from the inside out as well as from the outside in.
With this analogy in mind the last week has to me been about reaching a point where the frame is up and the roof is on and the exterior walls are all but completed. Darryl is reaching a point where the finishing detail can begin. But like any home build, it is the finishing that can seem so slow, slow detailed and even tedious. The big gains have come early in this process, just like when building a house, but now comes the point where patience is more likely tested and progress is measured more in refinement than new and remarkable milestones.
However, Darryl still continues to tick more things of his rehab ‘to do’ list, more quickly than anyone expected and this week has seen some exciting developments, the most significant of them being Darryl coming to the home we are staying in at Auckland at the moment, to enjoy a Sunday roast lunch. He is now at a point where we can do a standing transfer from his wheel chair to the front passenger seat of my car. From this the world has just become a real place to him again.
We first did a transfer to the car on Monday and then went on a drive around town and to visit the house we are in. It was an odd feeling; certainly for me as I haven’t ever seen the place in daylight given I leave and return each day in the dark. But it felt so refreshingly normal to both be in the car driving along the motorway. We even turned some music on and sang. Something that would be painful to listen to no doubt, but I’d have to say it sounded pretty damn sweet to me.
I caught myself glimpsing at Darryl through the corner of my eye as we drove along. It many ways it could have been the ‘old’ Darryl. Thinking like that is however a double edged sword as he is too far removed from his former self at the moment to allow the luxury of feeling that normality has returned. As I have said before there is nothing normal about this and to allow a feeling of normality is in some ways to accept where he is at, which can only serve to blur the path still ahead.
And this is something I have noticed more so in this phase of the process. Again, drawing on the house analogy, Darryl is now a framed up largely closed in home but still well short of ‘livable’ in terms of the finishing detail. So while from the ‘outside’ I or we could be forgiven for thinking that he is quickly reaching a point of completion the reality is that there is so much more to be done, to be achieved, so much that is crucial in terms of Darryl really coming back. I guess it is a trap that can easily be fallen into. As you get closer the goal it also becomes clear how far you still are away from it as ironic as that may sound.
The issue becomes the patience that it takes to push on through what could seem like hitting the wall in a marathon. The temptation to stop or give up becomes more powerful when the really hard yards present themselves. I have a sense that this is where we are going now. Darryl has been more restless and while we have been driving over recent days he keeps asking to “escape”, which we laugh off, but he geniunely is tiring of the daily grind of this process and for a boy who has always struggled with patience, just wanting to climb the largest ladder on the ’snakes and ladder’ board of rehab progress is a natural desire. The issue is that there are no shortcuts in this process. This is one time he will have to stay true to the entire course without shot cutting the ‘finishing’ detail.
Having said all that he still makes fantastic progress in the gym and has now stood unassisted for over four minutes at a time, batting back balloons to the physio, reaching out and touching her hand as she moves it around in front of him, while also swaying his hips around in a circle and side to side. He did his most purposeful walk down the parallel bars this week also and has shown far more control over his right leg which is still catching up to his left in terms of strength and purposeful movement.
He now also does all his transfers either by standing and moving from the chair to the seat or bed or by sliding across on a slide board, meaning he is no longer hoisted in a sling from point A to point B. We are also now getting to the point where his morning stretch and exercise session on his bed are more of a workout than his daily session up at the gym. The physios in the morning session strap three kg weights on his legs and after multiple sets of leg raises and extensions there is certainly a bit of huffing and puffing going on. I spend a lot of the time slapping and stimulating the muscles we are wanting to work, which has proven to be a productive way to encourage improvement in the selected muscle groups.
But this week for me has been a tough one in terms of Darryl reaching that point where he may have a deeper sense of frustration at what still lays ahead. He is concerned at the fact he still has a large part of his skull missing (removed on the day of the accident to allow the brain swelling) and that his right arm is slow to improve. This combined with his slow and sometimes frustrating process of talking sees him frequently questioning how long it will take for him to return to ‘normal’, answers to which I just can’t give of course.
I have tried to use the fact that he is now set to spend the weekends at home with us here in Auckland or at our own home in the North as a means of breaking down the days and weeks into bite size pieces each of which will be leading him closer to home for good. He responds well to that, but as he said to me this morning during breakfast when I was trying to impart some guidance on staying the course, “patience is not my virtue”. We both laughed but to quote him once again “If I didn’t laugh I would probably cry”.
Darryl, the journey is one you have travelled quickly and with the utmost purpose, but now more than ever you must reach deep for that which will see you return to a life enriched by this event not curtailed by it. I sense your growing frustration and it has taken its toll on me also as while I can help you improve through this process I cannot alter the course of time.
Remember that the test of you starts afresh each day, and in fact will continue all your life in many ways. Each day deserves and requires the same commitment as the last, no matter how frustrating this can and will be in the weeks ahead. I know that you will face these challenges as you have done to date, but it is important to understand that one of the greatest challenges of all will be accepting the passage of time itself.
The important thing to remember however is that time does not stand still, it will continue to move, as you will, ever closer to you, ever closer to all of us.
I’m proud of you Darryl.
Dad.
That was a real tough one to read Mike
It is hard to think that you are struggling now Dazzla
but in a strange kinda way I am happy you are reaching
those points as that might be your key to helping yourself return
to your former self all the way, fustration and struggling with
the daily grind is really important to “GET” yourself there, as we all have our points to where or to which we can be pushed, and that’s where we are forced to take another route and look at life a different way so things dont build up on us.
So Dazzla way to go little dude, you Will get there mate
you so will, we all think and talk about you everyday and Darryl
I rekon that has to help so dont forget about the power of love and hope and the power of one, you are a fighter and most deffinatly you can learn to take little fustrating steps because you were always someone whom was able to struggle away on something till you got it – so toil away D, stuggle and fight, get fustrated and most of all grab your milestones you earn them when you put the time in and you deserve them because you are to Freaken awesome…
Keep you chin up mate
Huge love and happy strong vibes being sent your way
Tubbs Family
Hi Darryl, Well its so good to be off the end of your bed and now at the end of your parallel bars, waiting for you to walk right on ahead and out the door! For us out here infront of our computers
its all happening so quickly, for you and your family it may feel like forever. I admire all of you for the way you have handled this.
Much love,
Pip
Im sorry to hear your doing a bit hard at the moment Darryl, which is understandable as i can only imagine how frustrating it must be to pull yourself back together like this.
but whatever you do, keep holding onto that strong image of your horizon there mate, as the rough waters and chickenshit currents that slow you down now, weigh up to be nothing compared to the smooth sailing that awaits you.
so keep your chin up, your smile wide and that bow pointing north, and never forget for a minute how amazing, strong and inspirational you truly are Darryl,
it may be a long, painful, hard bit of ocean to cross, but by god you can bloody do it.
as somebody wise recently said to me “you can and will do it”
Keep on keeping on Darryl,
that horizon awaits..
will keep on sending the best vibes and music on the wind for ya,
Arohanui,
Kristy
x
As your dad has said before Darryl “when the going gets tough, the tough get going” – hang in there – we continue to think of you daily.
Mike
There is no doubt you have a very realistic undertanding of what is ahead for you all, recovery is a long slow road, but each of those small improvements are proof that moving forward no matter how small the progress is what matters.
One hugely important thing is for those around you to continue to hang in there with their support even when the progress is small and times get a bit tough, hardly a worry really, given the unstinting support from all your family, friends and workmates as demonstrated in this blog.
Great to hear Darryl has been out and about and you now know what your Auckland home looks like in daylight! Fingers crossed a visit home to Northland is not too far away.
I’d like to share a quote.
I do not think that there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature.
John D. Rockefeller
Have a great week.
hey D,
your doing awesome!
I bet it really feels amazing to no you are coming home very soon
your the talk of the north and so many people are grateful your coming back
-were all waiting for you to come home D
it might be easy to think you dont want to keep going but the end of this road is just around the corner
just be super proud for who you are D
because you being you has bought so many people together!
“life is like a box of chocolates-you never no which one your gonna get”-forest gump
you got this one and its made not only yourself but every one around you stronger and apreciate life,family,and freinds much more!
love you always D and thankyou
your freind
bonXx:)
Hi Darryl
Mate – keep your pecker up Darryl and hang in there. Easy words to say I know. You have most definately not been the most patient of people in some ways but you were been pretty methodical in your approach to things when you were a student. Each gain that you make now is a gain on something that you did not have a few months or even days back. Big or small they are all imoportant. YOu will get there. No doubt there will be plenty of roasts once you are out of that place and back up here. By the way – the Ninety milers – Mike Jurlina’s team with John, Nick, Reuben, Rex, Solomon and Hemena took out the under 18 trophy again – in a well played game over Kerikeri. Awesome game and great to see 2 Far North teams in the final in the only Northland wide competition. Thought Mike would of been on here already…….
We are always thinking of you and your family and willing you on Darryl. Keep sucking in all that energy everyone is sending you.
Take care
Walsh Clan
I watched my mother over the years with her patience and her persistence and they both helped make her an amazing person.
I think patience is one of the hardest lessons to learn and it’s usually an on going process right through life.
Blessings to all and keep up the good work.
Sue.
Hello to all of you. Went south to Ohingaiti [Near Hunterville] to the sheepdog trials and took Jimmy as one of my entries. Really surprised myself with the way he performed.It was a tricky course to do with an inexperienced dog but he did well and completed with a very respectable 95 pointed run My Fran just missed the final with a 97point effort which was 0.1point from making the final so you can see Jimmy went pretty good .Bill Garton failed with both of his Pete Campbell failed with both and Cyril Ball failed with both although he was unlucky with one So out of the 10 Northland dogs Fran and Jimmy were the only ones that completed Good to read Mikes updates and you keep striving to be able to get back with Jimmy as he will give you a lot of enjoyment. Busy at the moment so bye for now
Merv/Gail
Gudday,
Don’t let the fine tuning get you down. There are lots of connections to still awaken and great news from down there this week that at last you can get out and about. Keep up the hard work and keep laughing at the small things too. Thinking of you down there and sending lots more good vibes your way so suck them up and burn off those big meals!!
Work hard, play hard and get back up North soon for a break.
Good luck with this week.
Regards jane
That is So You aye Darryl, wanting to bolt the gate and gallop ahead 100 mph everytime! Well to be honest none of us are that great on the patience game but you just gotta plug away and the rewards will come. Might be a good time to stock up the freezer with extra mutton too now (and the pantry)that it looks like ur not too far away from getting Home. Whaddo you reckon aye Darryl!
Good Morning Dazzla.
I know it must feel like you’ve hit a plateau, you’ve work so hard and you’ve got this high and now it’s kind of flattened out. But like your Dad described so well, you’ve got all the main actions and points down, now you just need to refine and master them.
Something that will take time, but like Hayley said time keeps on moving. Weather you’ve got the oomph and determination to keep going in other areas or not, time doesn’t care it keeps moving, it doesn’t need your help. So think of it as one less thing that your need to put effort into. When you go to bed each night, you know you’ll wake up and it will be another day. Another day given to you so you can work on getting you back to you.
We all Love and care for you so much Dazzla! And so wish that we could each take a little bit of what you have to do and do it for you. It seems like such a simple solution!?! Instead of one person having a lot of pain and suffering, we all share it out. But some how the world doesn’t quite work that way hey. Maybe something we could question the powers above about, it seems so logical.
Anyway Dazzla, My point is, is that if we could take your pain away and help you in your struggles we would! Just know that we are sending our thoughts and energy your way, all the time. It’s got to help …. somehow.
We all miss you, and are wishing you well.
Keep on trying Dazzla.
XxXx Lulu*.
Good progress guys!!!
So proud of you Darryl!!!
Kia kaha!!!
Bill Thurston
The late Christopher Reeve, Superman in fiction and in fact, said…“So many of our DREAMS at first seem Impossible, then they seem Improbable, and then when we Summon the Will, they soon become Inevitable.” #:>)
Hi Darryl,
We’ve been keeping an eye on your progress here at Attitude TV. We make a programme about and for people with disabilities and we’ve done a couple of profiles on people who have made the extraordinary, often long journey of recovery after a head injury. You are doing amazingly well. I know myself after a fall resulting in paraplegia three years ago that there is a lot of adjusting to do. I’ve been amazed though, as I’m sure you are just how resilient the human spirit can be. And for me the most amazing opportunities have come out of what could of been a tragedy. Anyway that’s enough about me…We’d love to do a story with you, profiling your recovery so far and how you and your dad work together to achieve daily goals, I especially like the humor element! viewers would certainly find this inspirational.
You can e-mail me or Mike can give us a call to discuss.
Either way, all the very best from all of us for the road ahead.
Love from Tanya and the Attitude TV
Attitude is a great programme. I watch it every Sunday morning on TV1 and marvel at the amazing people who make the programme and the people who are featured……
Certainly Attitude would be a really worthwhile way of documenting your great progress Darryl.
Having been involved with them covering one of the stories about brain injury, I can say they are an awesome team with great attention to detail and the reality of a story.
I’m sure if you decide showcase the Sabin Attitude with Attitude TV! the result would be inspirational to many who unfortunately find themselves facing similar challenges to yours now and in the future.
Hey Dazzla
How the hell are you mate, bet you are having a cracker of a week
It is so cool reading everyones blogs and seeing your support and seeing the love and concern for you it makes us all so stoked as in the world today there is so much negativeness so great to hear everyone is vibing you hard mate – so my little bro keep up the hard long slog and we will keep up the thoughts, happy vibes and keep sending the love
Take care
Tubbs Family
Things are slowing down a bit now YAY
Hello Darryl, You will receive a disc to play showing Jimmy competing at Ohingaiti in the Tux competition. He went very good. Cyril Ball from Maungaturoto took the video and put it on the disc for you.If you are not ready for Jimmy by Labour weekend I will be taking him to Taupo to compete there.He definately has a future especially at the type of event on the disc.Keep up the effort mate and will contact you again Regards Merv
good evening d!
how was your day today?
hope it went sweet as;)
my day was alright,mums twin sister is coming over from oversseas and my grandparents down from up north,so family dinner at my uncles with all the cuzzys this weekend should be good!
nan and gramps from up north costantly ask about you,they have alot of respect for you which is a big thing them being dutch and all.(i didnt just say that!)hope you have a fantibilyastically sweet as weekend
always thinking of you and sening good vibes
love always
your freind
bonXx:)
Hey Darryl,
I havent been in touch as I was in Auckland on thursday and was hoping to visit. Unfortunately time got away and it ran out before I could make it to see you.
Sounds like you have had a a few good emails especially bout Jimmy. Thats got to be exciting and must be a buzz to see the run on video.
Robbie was 16 on wednesday GOD how time flys pretty scary actually. Just had pizza and a cake with Jesse and Tyrel.
Terry has been at McGarrys all week as he is away , Terrys been feeding out for him and general looking after the place.
Been riding my horse a bit lately was going to go over to McGarrys with Terry tis morning, but it was so nice to be in my own bed I felt a sleep in was in order.
We are thinking of selling up here as Terry is sick of the travelling, and having our horses scattered all over the place.
Thinking of going back closer to Whangarei and ideally with more acres. I will miss the beach but it would be really nice to have Robbie home again.
Its nearly time to registar for the Rodeo season. Robbie is keen again and hopefully if Isasis( our Brazilian cowboy) is back Terry will have a roping partner. I am thinking of sending Rob to a bull riding clinic at the end of November (early xmas present).I think it would do him the world of good as he dosént get much practise.
Well Darryl this is just a quick catch up.
Take care my friend
Hugs and love
Traceyxxxxx
We are at the beach now Daryll and know that you will be here too in your own good time, sitting on the deck, Bella at your side, watching and hearing[we are talking about Brenna] your sister show you her style on the trampoline. Maybe we will see you strutting your moves as well. The teacher in me is assessing your progress as A+ for both effort and outcome. Well done big man.
Cheers
Kath and Colin Crawford.
Amazing Darryl and Whanau! Been off the Air a while but been managing to check up on you all. Getting out and about aye!!! Hang in there Buddy… time and sheer determination will get you home in good time. Keep facing North with lots of sweat and a gleam in your eye!