Monday 3rd – Sunday 9th August

There are few words to adequately express the horror that we all went through for the first few weeks of this most deeply rooted test of the human spirit.  It is still so raw I can’t bring myself to read the postings I made in those early days and weeks, so scared am I that the horror we faced will somehow claw its way back to the present.  But now, some three and a half months down the track as each day passes the footprint of improvement and tentative return to ‘normality’ seems to hide, at least in part, the path we walked in those early days.

In so many ways, so much of this journey has been a battle of will, of spirit and of all those intrinsic qualities for which no medication exists to create or enhance the existance of.  This is what I decided was the ‘test of you’ [Darryl], the test of what Darryl’s inner self is all about.  The hardest test of all to pass.  This test has reached a new point and it is that of patience as I have mentioned, but oddly a test that only comes when the recovery is at a point that some sense of normality is beginning to return.

You could liken it to that last few kilometres of a long trip, the last lengths of the pool after a long swim, the last few hours of a sleepless night.  The end is now realistically in sight but at that point it can seem further away than when you first embarked.  I guess much of that is because you can only really measure the journey when you have travelled it, there is little to gauge it on before that point is reached.

The reason I say this is because we are really only weeks away from the first major finishing line – that of going home.  But both of us have had our moments over the past week or so which indicate we are in transition from the  journey to making the dash for, well home!!  Darryl, for the first time in his life is having to deal with the fact that he can’t use his physical strength, skill and determination to shortcut to the end.  He must tick off each milestone and while he is doing it remarkably quickly for a young man who lets face it, cheated death, he is still not used to his progress being slower than his patience can tolerate.  I believe it will be one of the most important lessons to come from this experience for him, but one that will be a challenge for the next few weeks I have no doubt.

So while we have had some mental challenges to address this week, Darryl has had some outstanding moments which give me great strength to keep myself focused in on the management of both body and mind as he strives forward.  Over the last week he has mastered standing up on his own and we managed a series of 15 stands and sits in a row by Friday.  When he does get up on his feet he can get his balance very well and stand straighter than what he has done (with the help of a few slaps and pokes in the butt cheeks and hips from me)

He was also given the opportunity to climb the stairs to the gym, Jim, but not as we know it – 10 stairs in all.  With the help of myself and the physio -terrorist as Ann has affectionately become known, Darryl climbed up the stairs and then back down twice.  Admittedly he was a little all over the place and did a lot of the walking with his left arm – pulling himself up the hand rail, but it was another great achievement.  On Friday that was followed up by a walk of some 120 metres, backward and forward outside the gym on the veranda.  The first 2 ‘runs’ were with the aid of a walker, to which I found the need to yell out “run Forrest run” as I held the frame steady.  The laughter that roared forth did nothing to improve his flaying legs of course, but it was one of those monents I couldn’t let go by.

The second two lengths of the veranda were with just myself and the physio-terrorist at each side and it was by far the best walking he has done.  He is still a wee way off going solo, but it is approaching.  The improvement is consistent and so it is reasonable to anticipate this point arriving some time soon (ish).  We are doing a lot more exercises in the down time that will assist with his walking and balance, as I figure it is a case of building strength and relearning,  rather than an automantic outcome.

The same applies with his right arm which is going to be a continuing project, but I am confident it will get there.  A couple of weeks ago he had virtually no active movement and now it exists in just about every range.  The connections are there, it’s just a matter of time and of course lots of work outs with what Darryl has coined the stick of misery!!!  I keep telling him it hurts me more than it hurts him, but he’s not buying that at this stage!

The highlight for the week and the reason for the comments about getting closer to normality, is that Darryl came home with us to the house we are staying in at Auckland.  It was a great milestone to tick off – real food for the soul and spirit.  Darryl came with us to the supermarket (which is only a few hundred metres away) and we did normal shopping stuff, albeit he was in a wheelchair that I refuse to learn to steer properly so I collected a few shelves and the odd shoppers’ heel along the way.  Darryl sat on the couch and then lay down on the couch and watched some rugby, chatting with his sister and brother and sharing some laughs.

Probably one of the most important moments of recent weeks however came when we played Darryl back some video we have taken of him from the earlier days in this journey.  Specifically we looked at the 15th of June, some seven weeks ago, when Darryl was stood up for the first time in a sling with the hoist.  In short he was a mixture of a limp, hanging head and trunk with limbs like twisted reinforcing steel that were less than malleable.

Darryl sat there in tears when he saw for the first time just how stunningly inactive, immobile and lifeless he was, compared to what he is now.  The comparison is nothing short of remarkable  and thankfully very obvious to him.  We made the point of really reinforcing just how far he has come and in such a short time, relatively speaking.  It came at a price because he probably has little concept of how bad things were, but the flip side of the coin is very positive.  The reality is he knows how far he has come and that has given  him perspective on the now and also just how much more he can achieve in the next seven weeks.  It was good therapy.

There were some other great milestones which I will skirt over given their nature.  Darryl was able to stand and use the toilet for the first time, in true blokey fashion (something he was happy to share on the blog, in fact took great delight in the idea as well as the action itself).  I got him into a normal shower with a seat inside for him to relax on and of course for the first time since the 24th of April, he slept in a proper queen size bed.  He lay there with a grin on his face that could best be described as looking like a dog chewing ….well you get my drift, but he was a happy little camper as we all came in to join in his slumber delight.

He sat up to the table and ate with us, he sat on the couch and enjoyed a coffee and spilled crumbs all over the place, just like he has done for years.  It was so normal I wanted to freeze frame the moment and just ‘be in it’ for a while, just to savour the warmth of familiarity that a while ago I was so scared I would lose forever.   A weekend full of normal stuff and to cap it all off, on the way back to the rehab tonight we were both singing to the music and Darryl broke out in an air guitar!!  A priceless moment of humour wrapped in layers of normality – if air guitar could be considered normal!

While Darryl was less than keen to return to the rehab, we discussed the time line ahead and the realities of home, the home we both yearn to return to and for the first time we can really sense it on the horizon.   It was a rewarding few moments and something I think we can both deservedly take heart from in, reflecting on the work that has been done and the promise this brings ahead.  It was uplifting .  

Darryl, the mid point in this journey has been reached, the mountain you are shifting is now bigger on the side that you have moved it to, than where you have moved it from.  So too then, with each step you take, do you help to erase the long and fear-filled days that lead this journey out.  Days I am thankful you will have no recollection of . You are now healing more than just you, Darryl.  I am thankful of that also.

Love always.

Dad