Darryl continues to deliver in the recovery environment that has become his life, at least temporarily anyway. It is with pride and a sense of relief that I see the therapists and specialists at this facility shake their heads with even helpings of admiration and astonishment as he surpasses their expectations each and every day. It is a gratifying experience for all concerned to see this strapping young man making his way back, grabbing handfuls of the rope that he clung to in survival that now remains as a link to his former self. Like a mountain climber who had fallen down the face of a cliff, he raises himself back one hand over another, one exhausting metre at a time.
This week has seen a daily haul of milestones yet again. For the first time he was hoisted onto an exercycle and rode for five minutes, the last 60 seconds of which was nothing short of outstanding. His legs drove up and down on the peddles with real determination and as the final second ticked over tears of relief and no doubt heartache ran down his cheeks. The physio promptly rubbed his back and professed that he was progressing through her programme so quickly she was running out of activities for him.
Following the bike ride Darryl had an excellent walk across and the gym and back, something that is improving every time we do it. For the first time on Friday Darryl actually walked without the sling and hoist on as back up. He had a physio on either side helping to give him balance and talk him through the motions he needed to coordinate, while I was at ground level assisting movement in his right leg, which is improving but still not moving as freely as the left. Another major milestone out of the way.
Over the week he has improved markedly at holding a good sitting position and pushing up from this to a stand. He also seems to be finding his balance far more and distributing his weight more evenly across both legs. All these things which we all take for granted are having to be re-learnt. As each physical milestone is reached it can effectively be ticked off and then built on. Once he can do it, even if only poorly in the beginning, it demonstrates that the pathways exist and the improvement has the seeds from which to grow.
I often think of this process as comparable to a computer that has crashed and most of the files lost, but still stored on the hard drive. And just as you would painstakingly recover lost files from a hard drive and restore them to normal operating systems, so too does Darryl recover the connections between his brain and the sea of nerve pathways that control his body functions, movement and coordination. In this sense as each new file is found, the chance of a full and complete restore beckons.
Darryl’s eating has also turned a few heads having progressed within two weeks from nothing, to several large servings of each meal. He is certainly making up for lost time there and on Friday, his feeding peg now entirely redundant, was removed from his stomach. So, as with the trachie all that remains to remind us of this event is a small scar (notwithstanding the emotional scars that will not so easily be consigned to passing humour)
Darryl’s talking is improving each day and he has had a series of cognitive tests to ascertain the workings of executive function of the brain and his comprehension. He has shown remarkable function in this area and even anticipates some of the tests giving answers before the question has even finished. He has difficulty reading, not because he can’t read, but because his eyes are still recovering from damage to the cranial nerves (the 3rd and 4th nerves which control eye opening and movement). He can write quite well, albeit with his left hand at the moment, but he knows what goes where and comprehends perfectly normally. In all it demonstrates that the executive function in his brain is in tact and bodes well for a very good recovery.
One of the real challenges this week has been trying to help Darryl comprehend the world he is now awakening to as he traverses the gap between the foggy existence of the past 11 weeks and sharper focus of ‘the now’. As I mentioned last week he is shifting out of the state of post traumatic amnesia and the reality of the situation is becoming clearer. He has stopped asking repeatedly what happened to him and seems to accept that it was due to playing rugby but struggles with the idea that he can’t remember it or the circumstances around it. Possibly because this makes it seem even less real than the foreign environment he has woken to, or possibly because buried deep in his subconscious is the memory of the conversation he and I had the weekend before this about the risks (as I saw them) of him playing and what could potentially happen.
The reality of his injury has come into clearer focus however as for the first time earlier this week, out of nowhere he said “Dad, I’m sorry I played rugby”. At which stage we both dissolved into tears, made less painful by a hug we embraced in, almost with relief.
I say this because in the first few days of this nightmare as Darryl lay fighting for his life, I would have given anything to get to a point where I could simply tell Darryl what I now had the chance to say. I told Darryl, that he didn’t need to be sorry, there was nothing to feel sorry for. He was living life as he believed it was there to be lived and I understood why he played (despite my instinct as a parent screaming NO at the thought of it).
I explained to him that life is defined by its highs and lows and indeed it is not what happens in your life that is of real consequence so much as the way you deal with it. So it is that character is chiselled from the rocks of adversity that fall like a landslide across the journey of life. It may sound cliche but life is in my view 10 percent what happens to you and 90 percent what you do about it.
Darryl, I am so relieved that I have been able to have that conversation with you. So relieved I was able to just say “it’s OK”. It has been a painful burden for me, that the talk we had a week before this happened was near as can be to a script for what has actually happened. And knowing you as I do, I know you would be hurting also, that what you truly believed wouldn’t happen, had. I will never forget first seeing you in critical care, your painfully swollen head and trembling post operative body fighting for each heart beat. I will never forget the total desperation I felt as my world collapsed inward on me and all that I thought was important dissolved like ice in a warm water. I will never forget that all I wanted was the opportunity to say “it’s OK Darryl, it’s OK, don’t worry about it”.
I am just so glad I have now had that chance. I am just so glad that the any sadness and remorse you may have shouldered through this horror, can be put to rest. Some day, who knows, it could be that this hand that fate has dealt will show itself to have some higher or greater purpose. It has definitely made me a better father and it will no doubt make you a better one some day too.
I know there is a long way to go Darryl, but you are coming back, all the way – no question. There is nothing to apologise for, there is no need to look back, life is what lays ahead of you, made better by what you have overcome along the way. There are few ordeals that could be more challenging than that which you are overcoming now, but just as my instinct screamed that this would happen, so too does it tell me that you will recover to a full and outstanding life.
I am proud of you Darryl, because just as you said at the gym the other day. “When the going gets tough, the tough get going”. And you are going mate, you are going bloody well.
Dad.
Hi Guys
Its’ so great to hear the last week saw more progress – a busy time and lots of hard work well rewarded.
I am so pleased to hear that as well as great physical progress that Darryl is also doing well with the cognitive work, a huge relief to all I am sure.
Mike, your words “it is not what happens in your life that is of real consequence so much as the way you deal with it.” are so true.
Don’t look back Darryl, keep moving forward with the determination that is so obviously a huge part of the Sabin character.
Have a great week team.
Good stuff guys!!
Really impressed!!!!
Kia kaha!!
Regards, Bill Thurston
Good reading to start the week Darryl, glad to hear about your appetite you will be good as new in no time, actually probably alot better
Good work buddy cant wait to catch up.
Holly
Now that was a tear jurker if ever…
Bloody hell I am already a mess,
Feeling emotions good and bad are a huge part of life
and I feel lucky to know you guys well enough to feel
so strongly, thanks for sharing.
Uncle Dazzla
What a legend, we are so stoked for you.
Now about this up and coming game you are going to be at,
I am convinced you are going to give the All Blacks the
edge they need to win, so this time Dazzla when betting,
bet big okay!!
Mate I have to agree with Aunty Bonnie we haven’t known you
for along time but you have, from your view filled in your
life blanks of the parts we dont know so well that it feels like
we have always known you. You attract really awesome people into your life and because of you we got to spend more time with Bonnie and Alice and because of you we got to see Lulu* for longer and more often than we ever do. These things individually have huge bearing on OUR lives
You mean so freaken much to the boys Dazzla
I really need you in my life Darryl,
You are the perfect template of how I want my boys be
I need you to be their role model
So keep on climbing Uncle Dazzla
You can do it and you WILL
A huge double sweet as coming your way
Have another great week this week, thinking of you literally non stop
Love and respect
The Tubbs Family
hey d
In noe time youll be doing your elvis moves on the dance floor,dazzling everybody more than you all ready have!
keep cleaning out their pantry d
keep conquring that mountain
love always your friend
bonXx:) (mum sends her love,was thrilled to hear you progress)
dazzler whanau:
you guys are an absolutly amazing!
thankyou for bringing darryl into this world
he thinks of you guys so highly
one thing with d,is he never stoped talking about his family
you guys are the ones who gave him the strength and courage to fight this
I no you being by his side will mean so much to him
once again thankyou so much
wow.yay. finally, you had a chance to say what you wanted to day to your son when he was in coma.
I liked few phrases that you worte on the post. “that life is defined by its highs and lows and indeed it is not what happens in your life that is of real consequence so much as the way you deal with it.” Also, “there is no need to look back, life is what lays ahead of you,”
This is what would my mum said to me when the day I left Hong Kong to here for study. She also said where you fell down no matter how hard it was just get back up and face it.
Recently, I liked a song by Miley Cyrus “the Climb” is a really good song. I guess you should listen to it, mike.
this is the last week for my holiday till the Sem 2 star. Time go fast ay!?
Hi Darryl.
Great to hear you are doing so well.Talked to Leo last night about you and caught up with your news first hand.Must of been really good to see Leo again.
The week-end was a real shocker in the far north.Plenty of high powered wind with rain going mainly side ways.The electricity went off on saturday after noon and the virtually stayed off until midday on Monday.Lost a few trees at the Browns Lease with the wind and the men are working there now cutting up the trees and putting up the electric fences again.
After the rain the clay country is really wet again.
Keep taking long strides.
Regards Kathleen, Max,Deane,Lewis,Latimer,and Sandy.
Evening D A Z Z L A
Hope you have had a wicked day
Know you are having a cracker of
a week, guess the countdown has begun…
The boys are still going with Allen in
the mornings crazy as the weather has been
cold and misserable. Little troopers man!
The wind is STILL blowing and is real cold
Miss you Uncle Dazzla, bet you would’nt be missing
this weather!!
Keep being you Darryl and Keep climbing
We are all watching and egging you on,
we can see where you are on your climb and
we know you can do it!!!
Love and Respect
Tubbs Family
hey d
hope your day has been good
thought of you alot today
keep doing the unbeleivable
love always
your freind bonXx:)
Morning Uncle Dazzla
Hope you are making huge strides today
The wind has finally stopped blowing
The farm is really wet
The cows are not hot on standing around in soggy paddocks
cant blame them
bring on the summer, school holidays are almost over, its been
awesome hanging with the boys, kinda easier than running
around to and from school and kindy
Where ever we go we end up talking about you to someone who is
following your progress and everyone is just so proud of you and
so stoked at how fast you are recovering
you are doing so well mate
Keep it up Dazzla
Thinking of you making your climb every step of the way
Miss you heaps
Tubbs Family
It`s been great reading the last two weeks episodes.I hope one day Mike that you will be able to make all of this into a novel.It would certainly help others in the same situation as Darryl has been.Keep up the good work all of you.
Hey Darryl, not much happenin here. Hope ur havin a good week tho. Eric gets back Wed afternoon. Take care, we’ll keep in touch.
Mike, your writing is excellent, i think that you missed your vocation, you would have made a good journalist (and still could). the way that you have narrated Darryl,s journey and progress has made interesting reading……and maybe as one of the other comments have said, a book that would help others in the same situation would be an assett to those who follow you and Darryl!!!!!
keep up the good work!
I hope to meet you both one day!
Regards, Bill Thurston
Goodday mate,We read all your dads writeups about you and great to see progress for you.I have entered Jimmy for the Tux Trials at Ohingaiti [Hunterville area] at the end of the month Will take 3 others of mine plus Bill Garton with 2 Leo with 2 Pete Campbell with 2 Cyril Ball with 2 so trailer hooked on and away. Will call in but not sure whether on the way there or on way back. Can you now remember Jimmys commands. Im using ‘away’ for his right and ‘get’ for his left and he is slowly coming to it but if you are able to give the proper commands it would be good.Will try and get a video of Jimmy working to show how he is working. He is a lovely dog and you should be proud of how you got him to this working stage. There will be around 200dogs thereover the three days and I hope it aint too cold as its quite an open windy area where they have it.
Gail will be back on 26/7/09 from her big O E two months of it. She said she doesnt know how she will cope after being spoilt for so long so I just told her ‘Mate your gumboots are at the back door and the mud just through the gate’ Its been wet and prior to this wet we had lots of frosts so the grass is very short.If for any reason we are not able to see you on the trip I will definately call in on Sunday 26th which is the previous weekend when I pick Gail up so will update you then
Keep up the progress Darryl and to Mike and all the family the light at the end of that tunnel is getting bigger and the day it blinds you with sunshine will be a fantastic day.God Bless Merv and Gail Cameron
Hey Dazzla
.
Really good to hear you are progressing so quickly. You have such determination.
Nothing to report from My side. Although Diesel (my Kitten) did go missing for like 10 hours yesterday. Finally found him last night with a next door neighbour, who kindly told me that he had almost run him over! cus he was just laying in their driveway in the dark, he also apparently saw their dog and shat himself. But all’s good now.
How are you feeling Dazzla??
Do you feel good about your progress? Do you feel scared, sad, angry, frustrated? All feelings that are completely justified! But if you can just try and keep thinking positively, and working as hard as you have, because then it won’t be much longer till you are back to the old you. 
You rock Dazzla! YOU are making your progress. You are the one that is responsible for how quickly you are getting better, and again you are doing an awesome job at it. Completely blowing everyone away. Your family, friends and all the medical staff.
Everybody can tell, and we know that you are putting in all you’ve got Dazzla, we can see it, and we are all very proud of you! There must be so many times when you just feel like maybe giving up, or really just don’t feel like doing what they ask you to, but you still do !! Amazing.
When you have your next op, from what I’ve hear things should start progressing even faster (If that’s possible.)
Keep powering on Dazzla, we do notice, not long now hey!
XxXx Lulu*.
P.s. What Hayley said above is so True, you attract really awesome people into your life. And because of YOU we got meet and spend more time with these awesome people. Thanx Dazzla.
There’s no way in Hell we would ever not have you in our lives, we would never accept that! You are here to stay, and we couldn’t be more happy about it.
Evening Dazzla
Busy day on the farm again, no surprises there
Bet you are charging ahead like you have been
Took the Tractor into town today to fill it up with
Deisel and some containers in the front end loader to
fill the digger, man I got some pretty funny looks
It was pretty funny, never thought I would see the day!!!
Missing you on the farm, you are like a burst of energy
running around, sometimes exhurting more effort than nessesary
but never the less keen as
You got this Dazzla, you got this
Both mine and Alices instincts on your situation told
us that you were going to be fine,
Man I am so happy and thankful for that
Sleep Tight
Tubbs Family
Good Morning darryl!
hope your weeks going mighty fine,
not much happening here just mucking around for school holidays,would have loved to mission it up to tubbsies but been a bit busy with looking after horses and what not while mums away,and if i had gone up this time i may have not come back haha there like a magnet that family and they care about you like your one of theirs,you should be very honoured D!
getting boared living with houses all around,there hasnt even been much surf,was keen for a hunt today with my uncle but have got $%#@* homework!owell not many pigs in the big smoke to chase ethier i guess!
thinking about you more than ever D
waiting for the day to come see that smile
love always
your friend bonXx:)
Hi there we are over in Belgium at present but keeping up with your progress each week. Wow good on you Darryl what a fighter. You must be very proud to have a father who has kept us all up with progress reports and remind all us parents how precious our children are to us. Visitors have arrived and Im sitting here on the computer with tears rolling down my face so I must go sort me makeup out and get ready for another night out in Belgium. We are still thinking of you and your family constantly.P.S Jamie and his girlfriend were with us for a week before they travelled onto to London and Jamie has been given the name as party animal. We also had a drink for you. Take Care from the Roberts family.
Hi Darryl and Mike and Catherine and family,
Havent written in a while but have been thinking of you, fantastic progress that you have been making well done you! keep up the great work and Im sure we will see you in a very short while. Mike and Catherine hope all is well and that you are looking after yourselves.
Lots of love Rachelle Dennis, Gabriel Ryan and Tegan
Morning Dazzla
Will be thinking of you today
Go the All Blacks
What a wonderful article in tonights advocate. You are all stars!! Go the All Blacks………. #:>)
Saw a glimpse of you right at the end
what a Tuffie making it right to the very end
good one Dazzla
thought you might be closer to the Aussie bench
giving the fingers
Not a great first half
But they got there in the end
Hope you bet big
The milestones just keep on comin’ mate – you are so awesome. Whangas is on your wing!
We remind ourselves every day of how far you have come since D Day and are so proud of you and your family.
We continue to send you our love and support and Tai will proudly tell of your progress as he heads back to school tomorrow.
We hope that last night at the test was awesome – we’re sure it would have been. We know the rocks you have had to carry away to get there and are humbled by your efforts. You earnt every moment of the experience – the hardest way possible.
Tai says to tell you you’re “meanage” which is right up there (if I can take the liberty of translating his 6-year old speak).
Every day we feel your light shine brighter.
The Whangas crew.
WOW ……..This will be a whole chapter in your book! #:>)
miley cyrus is one of the best singers in the world but she does bad things too …
howsit cuz wots up!shane here just thort id say hey hey and buzz your day,i am moving to queenstown for work in 2 weeks so i am trying to cm stay with ya before i go,cant wait to c ya cuz got some stories you will like hahaha,hope your days goin sweet catch ya soon me mate.churr