And so one day becomes another and Darryl appears to be blissfully unaware of the emotional rollercoaster going on around him. I joked with my brother Len, who selflessly came down again to help us out today, that if and when Darryl is well enough to know what’s been going on here I ‘m going make him pay! Now that’s a Tui billboard in the making. I would gladly forgo a lifetime worth of fatherly lectures just to see him smirking knowingly back at me as he does, as if to say “no big deal Dad”.
Today went a bit pear shaped as they say, as Darryl was scheduled to have what they call a ‘peg’, put in his stomach. This is a tube they put into his stomach wall that they can pass food through directly into his stomach. This means they can remove the feeding tube that runs down his nose and the back of his throat. It is a better long term option for feeding, albeit I don’t anticipate they will be piling Darryl’s favourite meals of cottage pie or roasts down it any time soon.
Unfortunately Darryl’s temperature was all over the place today and went as high as 39.4 degrees, so when they finally got him to theatre to do the operation they put a halt to it as they said it would increase the risk of infection. And true to Darryl form, by the time we got back up to the HDU his temperature started coming back down and is now normal again! Even in a coma you can manage to give your old man the run around aye Darryl.
For most of the day he was sweating profusely and he was having major muscle spasms that made him twist and contort. You try to rub his limbs and somehow ease the tension but it has a limited impact in the main. He is such a strong young guy that he really can get very tense, which is bloody miserable to see to honest. There was really no change in any other aspect of his condition today and I hope that tomorrow he can get back to his lounger and headgear where he seemed to look so relaxed yesterday.
I spent a lot of last night and this morning going through old photos to put some up on his wall to help the nurses understand who Darryl really is. As any parent can attest to, it is heartwarming looking back over those moments captured in time. It was like turning back the pages on the horror script or recent days to times that now seem so care free. So many photos were of Darryl totally immersed in sport, from soccer, to roller hockey, winning the school cross countries to winning the school swimming sports. I looked at one of Darryl at his first 10 pin bowling experience. There he is mid bowl as it were, looking every bit the veteran competitor, with his stance immaculate and showing total balance. That just sums my boy up. He would have a go at something and just look like a natural. I doubt he was, he is just a quick learner and does nothing by halves.
I trawled through a number of his earlier rugby photos and slowly as his years grew in the photos so did the vice tighten around my chest. There I was in the photos, proud Dad, coach of the team and all. What I would do now to be able to alter the course of history at that point.
Consequently my fond reminiscing descended into soul searching and from that, to despair. I know it is irrational to blame myself, but how can I not? The most basic instinct and role of a parent is to protect their children. One could be forgiven for failing to prevent minor indiscretions but there is no room for error with the major ones. I guess this is part of the process, but I look at Darryl laying there with sweat pouring off his newly scarred head, panting under the burden of the temperatures that have plagued him from day one and all I can do is feel failure as a father to steer him away from an outcome he was unable to perceive as likely.
I know the mental torment is most likely more to do with the waiting game we must play than rational thoughts, as I mentioned, but in a funny way it is good to feel pain and blame as it somehow makes me feel that I am shouldering some of what Darryl must feel from within his deep unsettled ’sleep’.
All in all though I don’t really care, I just want him back. Please Darryl, just come back …
There is no fear like the fear that grips you when your child is seriously ill or injured. I hope that you’ll keep remembering how incredibly resilient and tough he is, and no, he won’t remember this pain.
I will pray for him, for your family and for his medical staff daily. God is with you through this.
You have always been a great coach during Darryl’s life. Now is the time to do the best coaching you have ever done. He and his recovery are counting on you! You, Darryl, and your entire family are in my prayers. Please know that people all over the world will be praying for Darryl’s recovery. Now get to work with your coaching skills – you can do it. We love you and are here to support you through this!
Dear Mike:
Please know that from far away Brazil as well as from other Latin American countries, we, your colleagues of the International Task Force, are with you and are praying for the health restablishment of your beloved son Darryl.
Mina Seinfeld de Carakushansky
Brazilian Humanitarians in Action
Dear Darryl and family,
So sorry to hear what has happened, being so far away there is not much i can do but i wish you all the best and we better see you cheeky grin and very fuzzy face walking around agen soon,and every one is correct that you are very stubborn so i will see you when im home next.
all the best,
xoxox kelly
Mike and Family
No matter what we say it never seems enough, as a parent my heart is breaking for you, and we just wanted you to know our thoughts are with you.
Kia kaha
Leanne and Jason
Thinking of you Mike, your strength in keeping this blog going and taking time to speak out publicly about about the need to keep injured players off the field is a huge step in getting the message out there about the very real dangers of returning to contact sport after injury.
You can only look forward now, not back over what you could have done differently during Darryl’s childhood as the reality is you gave him everything he needs right now – a strong spirit and determination to succeed. Be proud of those images and your place in them.
Here’s hoping for a day of progress forward for Darryl.
Keep well.
Kia Kaha
Dear Mike and Catherine,
The power of prayer is awesome and many people are sending out love for Darryl and for you all. I hope you will not mind but I have added Darryl to a worldwide prayer list which I sometimes use.
I know as a mother the torment you are going through. When my daughter was in hospital with a head problem we were told that patients even in a coma can hear everything that is being said to and around them. So continue to talk to Darryl, tell him he is loved and is strong enough to overcome his illness. May God bless you all. Ann and Peter NDPA
Dear Mike, Catherine and Brenna – Our thoughts and prayers are with you and Darryl as you go through this devastating time. As with you and everyone else, we’re fervently praying for a good outcome. Janet and George
Hi Darryl,
Even though we have only met a few times, I was taken by your ease of conversation, happy attitude & contagious smile. I see you standing on our verandah with smiling eyes and a grin that would get you out of any situation! ;o) This is the kind of effect you have on people Darryl and so, like others, not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. Darryl, after meeting you, I know the world needs more of your kind…. I saw a future in your eyes and you’re a strong lad – that will get you through!
Love and thoughts
Georgie McGarry xox
Hi There Darryl, Mike,Catherine,Brook and Brenna.Prayers and kind thoughts coming you’re way all day every day.Am with you every step of the way.Keep talking to him all the time. He’s hearing
.Take it easy and get plenty of rest.
Arohanui ki a koutou
‘Mother Jo’
I can remember the first time I met Darryl on Chris McGarry’s farm. He was about 13 years old and arrived in full matching camo gear with his new hunting knife his Dad had gotten him. He was so excited to be on the farm and learning to be a real cowboy. Like you have said, now years later, he has become a natural at it, and looks every bit the part of a real cowboy too. The last time I saw him was at the Tubb’s party, in short rugby shorts, old t-shirt, and red bands on, in true farmer style. He and I ate dinner together with Alice and watched the fireworks display. I truly enjoy being around him and I know he has the fight in him to get through this. Keep it up Darryl.
Love and wishes
Steph and Lance xoxoxo
Dear Mike Catherine and Family,
Please accept our loving regards and faith in your sad moment with your loving son and brother.
May God be with you and Darryl as our Aroha is with you all and pray that he will be looked after and given the strength to be with the whanau as a healthy person once again.
Arohanui
Nathan Famoly
Still there for you Darryl and thinking and praying for you and your family.
Be strong buddy and Wake up when you feel that you have had enough rest, as i know you will!!!
We all wait anxiously for that moment buddy!!!!!
Ka kite ano.
Bill Thurstonxxx
Just letting you know that I am praying for Darryl.
Del
Hey Darryl,
Its pouring down today had to dig out the oilskins to feed the puppies and horses this morning. Guess what I found ….
Your oilskin, so I wore it ( hope thats ok ) the pups are getting more active and two had a grab and chew at the bottom of your coat.
Even though it gets to be a drag cleaning up after them as they trash the kennel and run every day ( which by the way they now are keen to be out of 24/7 ) When they play and ruff n tumble they are so cute…. I been videoing them a bit and will share these with you soon okay.
Terry and Mcgarry are over the mangakahia getting some bulls off Raymonds place (neighbour at Tarai) Terry said theres about 50 head in there ,never seen a set of yards.
A couple of weeks ago they were there and had a challenge with a steamy bull they reckon was about 5yrs old. They gave him a name El Toro so I guess he made an impression. Im sure I only got the censored version , but Kyle was up a tree at one stage dogs flung in all directions ,and Terry felt El Toros snot and drool as Charm stumbled trying to get out the way.
They survived to laugh about it later and El Toro was 457kg hung up so was a good pay day.
Going to pick Rob up after rugby tomorrow he’s comming home for mothers day. He will probably write to you while he here.
Talk to you soon
Love and hugs Traceyxx
Sending love and hugs to you Megan as well. Thinking of you everyday and am here if you need anything you have my numberxxx
Special greetings to Darryl, Mike, Catherine, Brook and Brenna,
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”…..Jeremiah 29;11.
So many people from the Bay of Plenty, our family, and staff from bussiness’s like Tauranga Hospital, Blissful Bay Weddings, Port of Tauranga, KPMG, PBT, and Environment Bay of Plenty, have you all in our prayers and thoughts as you travel this journey together. Your descriptions Mike, of the scenarios that Darryl are going through are such typical head injury reactions, having nursed so many of them myself, with so many excellent outcomes. The photos are a great idea, and you’ll find that staff become a part of your family.
Kia Kaha, stay strong (easy for all of us to say) and know that multitudes of people have you all constantly in their thoughts and prayers.
Kia Ora Darryl hope you get well our bro!!! be strong!!! Love from the Proctor Whanau.
My prayers are with you for your precious son……
Mike and Family
I’m always interested in head injuries as our daughter died as a result of a blow to the head.
I’m also very interested in helping people get better especially in head injury related matters (whether it be workplace-induced chemical neurotoxicity which is where I started http://www.snftaas.org or closed head injury). A Body Talk technique called “Tapping the Cortices” can be astoundingly effective – from p 85 Module One of Body Talk. “Anne, a nurse for comatose clients on an intensive care unit in Hannover/ Germany had just returned to work after completing Module 1. She decided to balance just the cortices on 6 of the clients …. Two days later 4 or the 6 clients were awake to the amazement of staff and relatives. These clients had been there for weeks if not months. She said, “If only I could follow up with more Body Talk, but once they’re out of a coma they leave my station!”
John Veltheim demonstrates this technique at http://www.bodytalksystem.com/bodytalk/overview/video.cfm#cortices
Pip Martin
My thoughts are with you all we have a grandson 18 who plays for Kamo so can relate to all the has happened.I am sure with God’s help and our prayers you will get through this.
——————## D A R R Y L ##————————–
Its
“BUSINESS”
Its
“BUSINESS TIME”
Keep fighting Darryl. You can do it.
Darren. Indianapolis, IN USA
I can only imagine the heartache and sense of helplesness you are going through, but the strength you show is amazing! Strength that Darryl has within him, and can draw from you when he comes back to you. Just know there are alot of parents out here in cyberspace who support you in our thoughts and hearts. Much love to you all, COME ON DARRYL!!
never knew you well just one of those people you see around and whos face you always reconize but from taiparian to another really hope you get well soon and can read all these comments yourself, thoughts and prayers with you and your family.
Hey Mike & Sabin Whanau
Just to let you know that I have been receiving endless emails of concern and aroha from the Retail staff here at Telecom who you have been educating so passionately on Drug Awareness. Everyone is thinking of you and praying that your beloved boy will be ok.
Your heartfelt reflections not only show the great love you have for your boy, but also the amazing spirit he has, you must be very proud. Go well.
Maz
Hey Darryl,
Havn’t seen you for years, since we were little. Sad to hear about your accident, stay stong, best wishes for your recovery.
Holly
Hi Darryl and family. Just letting you know that you are constantly in our thoughts and prayers. From Kathleen Max Deane Lewis Latimer Sandy
Hi Darryl and Whanau,
Trish and KJ here again, it’s become our evening ritual now to check up on your day and see how it’s going – thanks Mike, your writings are helping us all to feel involved and that we may take a little of the load you all are carrying.
The Darryl-machine is in full swing now – you are everywhere Darryl, tv, radio, newspapers, computers and everyones lips!!!! It’d be fair to say that the hole in the ozone layer is much bigger with all of the direct lines people are making to the man upstairs!!!
Again, all our love and best wishes to you and your family…
Darryl, you wove yourself into the fabric of our lives and many others. We miss you heaps. Come on back…when you’re ready. Mike, thankyou for putting up this site so we can keep tabs on your son, we’ll be keeping you all in our thoughts and prayers.
Hey Mike & Catherine,
Just want to tell you that we have got our fingers crossed with you and are hoping Darryl can fight his way back as we know he is a battler with pride and determination as you well know.
You are in our thoughts everyday. Thanks for this site Mike as it is good to be able to see how Darryl is doing as your phone will be running hot.
Love from us both.
Ilisa & Justin
Mike not a day goes by without a thought for Darryl, yourself and all your family, never doubt your actions as a dad, you’re priority have always been your boys wellbeing, and if anyone can get through this it’s Darryl, be proud he’s a strong boy Kia kaha
My thoughts and love are with you and your family at this time. You have amazing strength. Darryl is in my prayers.
hi mike,
just by one click on the internet then i know the story of Darryl.
even i am in 21 years of age, i know there nothing you can blame for yourself. i know the pain that’s parents will get as they are watchin their son in bed. they rather want to be the one in bed then their own blood related son. i know this not because i have been through those just because I have a cusin who was in coma before and seen my aunt stay in hospital 24/7 looking after her son in bed. although, i am not her and i could not get her feeling but i guess she would be in a great pain to see her son in bed and blamed herself.
I am qutie amaze that you seems like tought outside but warm inside. Although you did not say it but i guess you are dealing great pain and waiting your son to wake up again.
I hope, I do really hope that he will wake up again as soon as possible. as well as you, cheer up and dont give up and look forward he will wake up in any min. the weather is getting cold now so take care of yourself as well.
i know i have thousand words want to express myself about the care of your son and you but GOD knows.
Darryl you are a lucky guy you have a family with a lot of love and strength.
I don’t know you personally but you sound like a pretty cool kid, a kid that still has a lot of living to do, 19yrs on this earth is not enough mate so try really hard to come home to your family OK.
I wish all your hopes and dreams will become reality, your a fighter and fighters never quit!!
My thoughts are with you all.
Debbie
Your daily blogs make it seem just like yesterday when our young man (then 9 yrs old) went into respiratory failure following bowel surgery. Memories of the last words he spoke to us before the nightmare began were “I’m scared Mummy” and I feared those would be the last words I would ever hear him speak. The memories of the endless alarms going off and diving figures on screens as he appeared to be slipping away from us were and still are horrific. Yes, the emotional roller coaster just went on and on, but we clung onto everything positive we could and kept insisting to PICU staff how our son takes his time to do everything so please be patient. They listened and were very obliging and we had nothing but praise for the excellent care as I’m sure you experienced in Intensive Care. The times that 3 or 4 nurses came running when he stopped breathing and got him going again, the constant suctioning that was required as he had lost his ability to swallow or cough and the physio sessions – these activities all became routine for 3 months. Definitely the worst part for us was when our son was taken off the ventilator for the 2nd and last time and it was all up to him to pull through as the staff made it clear that they were not prepared to intubate again. It was touch and go but despite the odds, after reaching rock bottom he slowly but surely improved. And you know the first word he spoke when he was finally able to – “NO”! It was like music to our ears! It was surely the best sound we had heard for ages. He absolutely loved the cell ph messages that we got people to leave on our phone, playing them over and over again for everyone in PICU to hear (on speaker). In a way, I feel it brought some normality to an otherwise abnormal sterile (for good reason) environment which other parents of very sick children could appreciate too. Aaron also got a lot of pleasure out of being read letters, books that were made for him, pictures and our digital camera with lots of images and videos which he eventually got to watch. Over a period of 3 months we had quite a few opportunities to gather material from visits back home and to show him vidoes of what he had to come back to in the hope it would spur him on to good health – even if it was mud, dogs and chickens on our farm. If it is any help to you, he can’t remember a lot of what happened but he is defintely more phobic of needles now! It was so nice to be able to revisit the ward and meet with staff who had nursed Aaron. One young nurse who spent quite some time with Aaron absolutely cried tears of joys when she saw him …….and again when he spoke to her. She said she had no idea he could even speak! It was pretty hard with an intubation tube down his throat for 2 weeks but even after that it was some 2 or 3 weeks before he was able to verbalise clearly. It’s been 2 years now and remarkably he has only had one short admission to Kta Hospital since then. He loves people and I know we probably frustrated the staff, but there was always someone constantly with him except at night when we had to leave. I feel this contributed to his recovery greatly. I know our situation is quite different to yours but the common threads are also there – the raw emotion, the despair, the “what if’s”, the sick feeling as you enter through those doors of Intensive Care not knowing what is going to greet you each morning…, knowing there were kids that didn’t make it and worst of all, trying to prepare yourself for what seems the inevitable end to the nightmare. We knew how sick Aaron was and we desperately wanted him to be better, but even if he was to come home needing support we were prepared for that. Changes have been made to how we care for him and we are very greatful for every day with him! He tells us he loves us several times a day and we do the same. I feel where there is life there is hope. I don’t know Darryl but from what people say he is young and strong so hopefully given time, he will heal. Stay focussed and make sure you look after yourselves! Keep those blogs going – our family closely follows Darryl’s progress as do lots of people we talk to in Kaitaia.
Kia Kaha, Tui (sister of Kath in your previous job.
My friend, Virgil, sent me this blog. I cannot imagine how awful it would be to have my child in this situation. Stay strong and keep up all the good work in surrounding Darryl with your love and support. My thoughts are with you and all of those waiting with hope for Darryl to wake up.
You folk are going through what every parent dreads with a son so badly injured from a sport he loved. Keep on playing music and talk, talk talk to him.He is getting the best care and you must make sure you all look after youselves-know must be taking a toll.Stay positive–you have so many people just hoping for the best result for Darryl in his battle for his body to heal.The old adage of taking one day at a time is so true.My thoughts are with you.
Darryl, You and your family are in our thoughts,I know the love of your family and friends will help you. All of us in the Far north are sure the outcome will be positive.
Hey Sabin family
Ive never had the pleasure of meeting you but darryl is a very good freind of mine whom i care about unconditionally.Through the Tubbs i spent many an hour milking cows,feeding calves,hanging out and getting into mischief.I think about him and the family every hour of every day and have 110% faith in him.Hes needed in too many peoples lives to be leaving now.If any one is going to get through this itl be darryl with some bull wrestling,pig hunting story to tell the chicks.
My greatest regards to the Sabin family
Get better soon Elvis,love always,your forever friend
bon xo
…(i was the one who sent down the conchords cd)