Darryl had a pretty rough night with the storming back in full flight. This morning he was still very tense, sweating and in obvious discomfort. The storming would have seemed the obvious reason, as it has been for almost two weeks now, but something didn’t sit right with me.
I asked a number of questions of the nurse and then just sat there, held his hand and watched him. I tried to trouble shoot with him using the old thumbs up, but he seemed only able to grip my hand and squeeze hard.
I started to notice a pattern of him holding his breath, all his muscles including legs contracting and really tensing up then relaxing again a few minutes later. This pattern just repeated and seemed to me to be inconsistent with storming . The more I watched, the more I was sure there was something else going on and then I noticed he had no urine in his catch bag. After inquiring with the nurse it appeared he had only passed 200 ml of urine during the night. They seemed to think it was because he had been nil by mouth for a number of hours yesterday to have the peg put in, but I wasn’t so sure.
Call it an instinct, but I knew there was a problem and I figured it was the catheter that must be at fault, most likely blocked. I raised my concerns with the nurse who then conferred with the doctor and the catheter was removed, followed closely by a nights worth of urine. In all, over the remainder of the day about 1.8 litres! If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought Darryl was sneaking a couple of bottles of Waikato during the night with that sort of output!
Anyway, it appeared that the catheter was the problem alright and within minutes Darryl was relaxed and sleeping comfortably again. What a relief – for him and I. The remainder of the day was fairly uneventful and Darryl was back to resting comfortably and did not have any storming at all.
Darryl saved his biggest thumbs up for his sister who asked him to give one if he wanted a hug. Very cute. When she carefully rest her little arm over his chest I looked just above Darryl’s head where a picture sits of him wearing his best farming gear and sporting a beard that Santa would be proud of . Like a sturdy kick in the stomach the contrast of then and now hit me and a sadness quickly followed. Not a sadness I am used to, a new and heart crushing sadness. A sadness I have grown to loathe as it’s roots lay in the helplessness I feel as a father to fix up something I was unable to prevent in the first place.
The ‘cold water treatment’ continued not long after when we left the hospital to see one of the Northland Rescue helicopters starting up on the heli-deck of the hospital. Since Darryl’s first brain bleed and dash to Auckland hospital in the helicopter I have found myself reacting adversly to the sound of the rotors that we often here in the North. It’s like some sort of low level post traumatic stress disorder. The sound just triggers horror memories of the first flight down with him and the fear I felt at the time.
I’m sure you can appreciate how amplified that feeling is now. It just seems to gravitate my sense of distress to the point of most panic and anxiety. We stood there and watched the sleek black machine take off and my heart was heavy, countered only by the excitement that Brenna displayed at seeing it rise off the deck. The feeling passed with the sound of the rotors moving into the sky.
That helicopter and the people in it are the reason Darryl is still alive now. That is the reality and why since the 2007 bleed and dash we have donated to the Northland Electricity Rescue Helicopter. Survival is measured in minutes so often and they so often make the difference . If you ever have a stray few dollars to put to a good cause, then I’d suggest they are a good one to consider. Call it insurance.
So another day has passed. Another day lost to Darryl. Another day of waiting and hoping. Another piece added to the jig saw that is recovery. And another day my heart cries for my loving son who I miss and want back…more than anything.
Mike
There’s no thing like a parents instinct Mike and it served you well today. I hear what your saying… there’s nothing like that love between parent and child, but sometimes it can hurt like hell too…
Kia Kaha Mike, we’re still here “willing” each of you along
All our love
Hey, Cheers up, Mike!! Just hold on there like your son does.
When Darryl comes out of it, you’ll have to let me know what kind of chocolate he likes best (if he likes chocolate at all) and I’ll make sure some fly on over from Belgium. Failing that I could always send some Belgian beer as soon as he’s allowed to drink again.
I believe he might just owe his dad a beer for today anyway
Keep up the good work.
Di
Mike
I’ve started this message a number of times, but can’t think of what to say.
The hospital staff are amazingly skilled and knowledgeable, but they don’t and never will have the unique skill you have, being Darryl’s dad, and what that means in picking up his distress and discomfort.
Keep going with your instincts, I’m guessing they’ve never let you down before and they won’t let you down now.
Keep yourself well.
Kia Kaha Darryl – here’s hoping for a restful day of healing.
Kia Kaha buddy…..waiting….waiting!!!!!!
Be strong Mike! (and the rest of the whanau)
Regards, Bill Thurston x x x
Hey Darryl
Not many people are as strong and brave as you are, I really am proud to call you a friend.
Sorry to hear you had a rough night. You’ll be sweet now aye
Heather.
Yes, follow your instincts. This proves no one knows their children like a parent does. Thank goodness you are able to spend so much time with Darryl.
You are always in our thoughts and we can just picture Brenna being a little sweetie. She will help you through this.
Dear Mike and family. There are few who can fully understand your pain but many who know a little. My pain has been quite different in my life but I do know that if I hadn’t had God in my life, the outcome would have been very different. He can give a peace in one’s being that is not understood by man and impossible to fully explain to someone if they have never experienced it. I pray you will search for that peace as you go through the daily traumas you are dealing with. Blessings and let Him love you. Sue.
Dear Mike
What an experience for you all to cope with…try to stay positive, focus on the achievements Darryl (and all of your family) make each day and take each day as it comes…but you know all that already…! You are all surrounded by many, many prayers, love and healing light.
I am an energy healer and I would like to offer Darryl some healing. If you are interested please contact me and I can let you know a little more about it.
In love & light
Vanessa
Mike. We’re still with you. I hope you get as much from sharing your thoughts and experiences as we do from reading them.
Denise
To Mike and the rest of the Sabin Whanau,
Like Leanne above said, when Darryl wakes up, it’s like the build up to Christmas but a thousand times intensified. Man that day is going to be awesome, no Christmas, Birthday, New Years, ANYTHING again will ever compare with that feeling or that great gift of Darryl’s return.
When your are going through these hard times and things are felling pretty bad just try and think of end result, getting Darryl back. That day he wakes up! It will make this seem SO worth while! Christmas times an infinity!
Dazzla,
Good Morning Dazzla,
I hope you had a good nights sleep last night.
Well I was going through the internet last night and came across a gorgeous Blue Grey kitten at a pound out west. I saw the heading “Death Row” final days and immediately went to look at the sight. It’s a place where a couple of the pounds out west send the animals that they find. The little guy that I want was found with his sister in a park on Monday. I’m going straight after work today to put a deposit on him; they wouldn’t let me do it over the phone which sucks because it’s like an hour an a half away. But anyway, if no one claims him in the next 7 days, he’s mine!
It’s so sad, they have so many dogs and cats there that they’ve found. If they’re not micro chipped they keep them for 7 days and if they are they keep them for 14 days. Not very long hey! So if people loose their pet’s they really need to get onto it and search around the pounds quickly.
I hold back the tears most of the time I’m up there when I go to the Animal Welfare place near me, but on Saturday I just couldn’t stop myself from crying. This lady had bought her dog up to surrender it to them. She had had him for 13 years and I think she was moving into a home where she couldn’t have him anymore. She was so upset and was baling her eyes out just holding onto him. I over hear her saying, “I don’t want to do this, do I have to do this?” I felt so sorry for her, but more so her poor dog. He’s been living in a home with her for 13 years, having love and care and then all of a sudden, next thing he knows he’s in a horrible cold cage with loads of dogs all around him barking madly. I really hope someone adopts him, but he was so old, the outlook seems very bleak. Very sad
.
But look on the good side, a lot of them do get adopted out, and find a “forever home”. Man if I had a farm over here, I think I’d be in trouble, cus I would go up there all the time and save as many of them as I could.
I’ll tell you tomorrow about this awesome little place I went to yesterday, k.
Until then Dazzla, rest well, keep up the awesome work you’re doing, and just know that we are all here behind you and will be for as long as you need it.
Love Lulu*.
Hey Darryl,
Hope you have had a more relaxed day today.
Thinking of you lots, love Eve and the rest of the Clutterbuck whanau
Our thoughts are with your entire family, As parents we will do anything to save and protect our children. Hugs to you all.
Even though I have never met Darryl, I have been touched and saddened by his ordeal, and find myself reading your daily blogs Mike and hoping as you all do that Darryl will come through this and look back and see just how lucky he is to have such a strong and supportive family and friends. Keep strong Mike and get well soon Darryl.
Hi Darryl
We are back after 2 very busy days. We finished shearing early Monday morning then had to start organising the sheep stock check for Tuesday. Ross Foy came to count and sends his regards.
Duanne and Simon from Te Rangi helped out which was much appreciated. All went really well.
Today we have been mustering ready for the cattle stock check tomorrow. Ross again is doing the counting and the accountants are sending up an auditor to oversee. The Te Rangi staff are again helping out Deane and myself.
This is an annual event that is required by the Trust.
The weather is windy and cold but at least it is not raining.
We have had some more silverbeet from your garden, pruned the tomatoes back, put down slug bait, powdered with derris dust and watered the plants. We have picked some broccoflower but have not eaten it yet. Can’t believe how well it is growing but it is a warm north facing spot.
There were 7 small pigs in Lake 8 yesterday afternoon, making a hell of a mess rooting up all the good grass. I despatched 5 of them with my trusty Magnum 22 rifle. 2 got away and headed into the forestry. There seems to be plenty of wild pigs around at the moment. You are missing out on all the fun.
Keep up the good work.
Regards
Kathleen, Max, Deane, Latimer, Lewis and Sandy