For those that noticed, I took a day off yesterday. The batteriies finally ran flat. I got home from the rehab centre and promptly fell asleep on the couch. It had been a tough afternoon and I just couldn’t get Darryl to settle and it felt like a large lump of life had fallen from the sky and flattened me. I have been tired and it is easy to let tiredness taint you perspective, something undoubtedly heightened by the severity of this situation. My sense of sadness, frustration, helplessness and exhaustion all combined to create a perfect storm of utter heartache.
I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes as tightly as I could and just hoped that if I kept them closed for long enough the world as I have come to know it over the past few weeks would go away. I knew it wouldn’t, so keeping my eyes closed was the next best option. I woke to Brenna giving me a kiss goodnight and then went straight to bed to continue my own form of shutdown mode. Almost 12 hours sleep is more than I have had for years. I figure I must have needed it because today the sun came up again and it seemed just a touch warmer and brighter.
For any parent that has gone through this is going through this, they will know what I mean when I say that sometimes you just want the world to go away, for it to stop so you can get off. The reality is, it is just a want for what was and coping mechanism for what is.
But on to more important things, Darryl continues to make his baby steps and was up on the tilt table and also into a new chair today, both of which went really well. He is far more settled now and the seas are finally getting calmer with storming starting to subside!!! I will be so glad for Darryl to see the back of that terrible sympathetic nervous system carpet bombing! I have come to fear and loathe it for the havoc it has put him through.
Darryl again managed to keep his left eye open to a minor extent, just for a short period, in particular when his sister sat on his lap while he was in his chair and asked him for a thumbs up. She was delighted, as were we.
This will be a very long road and we don’t know where it will lead and even if it will lead anywhere. In my heart, I can’t conceive of Darryl not recovering and standing tall again, but it is not my mind that matters in this equation. I know his strength, I know his will and I know his tenacity. What I don’t know, along with anyone else, is what has happened in the depth of his mid brain where so much vital brain function is centered.
So for now we try and focus on what we do know and with every day we erase a little bit of the first picture we were confronted with, little or no chance of recovery. Darryl is the sort of son, brother, friend and employee anyone would want to have. He is someone that has so much to offer and would be too much to lose, for us and everyone. He is still letting us know with his well worked thumb that he is feeling better and while the progress is painfully slow in most ways, it is progress.
As I mentioned in this forum earlier, hope and possibility are the seeds of any miracle and all things seemingly out of arms reach. I cling to these like I did to the pillow last night. Beyond this, the words of hope and support from so many of you are added inspiration for us and Darryl. He knows I believe in him as we all do as family and friends via your comments and heartfelt encouragement.
Indeed if belief is part of healing than he will be a well young man. While words don’t adequately reflect my thanks to those who have been supporting Darryl in his journey of journeys, I do want to say with sincerity that I know it is making a difference. There is a long way to go, but with each day we are further from the start and closer to the destination.
Darryl, I hope as each day passes you get more of you back and put back what got. Your courage is your strength and your will is your guide. Stay true to both and your journey will be your victory.
My love to you always.
Dad
Hi Mike
Glad to hear you got some well overdue sleep yesterday and that Darryl continues with his journey onwards.
It sounds like Darryl has weathered the worst of the storms thank goodness and it’s time for time to do it’s job alongside the rehab team.
Keep resting when you can you’ll need your energy for when Darryl gets on his feet and gets busier.
Kia Kaha all of you.
In the head the Power of Faith,
In the heart the Power of Love.
Hey Guys
Keep up your strength and determination and the combined energy of everyone involved in Darryl’s life right now, throughout New Zealand and the world, friends and strangers, will bring Darryl’s former self back to you. Feel the power of combined thought and shared love.
It must feel devastatingly slow and almost unbearable at times – but the sun does rise each day and with its warmth it creates renewed energy and, we hope, optimism. As Vanessa said, take all the rest you need, and take the breaks when they come, because you all need olympic stature to get through to your end goal. You know how happy you feel when Darryl is taking a good long rest – he needs you there, but he needs you well….rest when you can.
Stay strong
Sharon, Rick and the boys
xxxx
Mike
What can I say – I’m devastated. I’m used to hearing only the good things from Merlene about the family. Bad things aren’t meant to happen to people we love and know. It is heartbreaking to read all your messages and also wonderfully uplifting to see that Darryl is making progress albeit in small steps.
It sounds like Darryl is a very driven person not afraid to face challenges. I’m not sure he ever envisaged this challenge but it sounds like he is going to put up a big fight. Be proud – of Darryl and yourself. You are doing an amazing, tireless job.
Hold tight to those you love.
Lisa
Dear Mike,
I know that you and your family will never give up, but I also know how painful, difficult, frightening and TIRING, your journey is. Take care of yourselves and allow all of those people who love you to take of you, their strength and support will keep you strong. Beyond prayer I learnt lies faith, a belief that everything, good days and bad, are a necessary part of the journey.
Love, Hugs and Happy Thoughts,
To you all, especially today, but all days,
Annemarie
Still praying for you and yours. God knows all about it. Include Him in your wonderings. Let Him be the main focus in the process. Let His love be the rest for your soul and mind.
Blessings.
Sue.
Hay Darryl,
Have been busy and not checked on you for a week, Man have you made some progress!!! Awesome that you can touch your nose and that youv’e had some canine contact, all be it through a window! We’ve dried off our cows now and are off for a family holiday on the Gold Coast for a week, Try and escape the frost that we had this morning!! Your dad is amazing at keeping this web page up and running, and it is most appreicated. Johns off pig hunting at the moment, so hopefully will bring back some pork for the freezer. Keep taking those baby steps, you’ll be running in no time.
Lotsa love, John, Danica, Grace & Jamie
The DAZZLA
How it going today??
Cant help but wonder what you will be doing
in a month from now – I guess all the stuff they say you can’t
and won’t be doing!!!
You know you, always an over achiever
Man just want you well again mate…
I can so feel your dad’s fustration
Take care and keep truck’in
Tubbs Family
P.s Mike glad you got a well earnt rest, it is always amazing
how much good it does for you hey!!
So good to find you back here. I hoped Darryl was okay but did realise that you hadn’t crashed yet and wondered if that had finally happened.
12 hours sleep and you’re back on your feet. Not bad in a situation like this. I imagine Darryl is so proud and grateful to have a dad like you guys are surely his anchor in these days. Not only that but your love and belief in him seems so very powerful in terms of bringing him back.
It reads like he is back in so many ways, specially with that thumb of his. I loved that the dog came visiting – I’ve been angling for a golden labrador here, with a bit of huntaway or border collie … I’m not sure you can do those mixes here in Belgium.
Is there address we can send care packages to? I guess the hospital but it would be a pleasure to at least send some chocolates for Darryl’s loyal crew. Brenna might love the chocolate horse-heads the best Antwerp chocolate-maker makes. I horrified my Belgian husband by preferring Cadbury’s chocolate over the world-famous Belgian chocolates when I first arrived. I believe he might have called me a bit of kiwi peasant
Stay strong and take care.
Di
Hey Michael
Its been a few weeks since I have been able check on Darryls progress through your writing,Itmy computor had a melt down and life ground to a halt! You have a wonderful gift in the way you share your journey with us all. I cant begin to imagine the constant ache you must feel, the daily fears and the moments of joy these past weeks have fired at you. You are all in my thoughts and I hope the love I try to zoom through in these emails helps a little.
Stand tall coussy, your doing a great job.
Much love Christine xxxx
Hi there to you Darryl and family. Brenner we miss your visits to the pharmacy our water dispenser has never been so full.Again our family want to remind you its been awhile now and although life is very busy we all find time each day to spare thoughts for you and your family..
Take Care
The Roberts family X