Today was tough. Darryl is now in state of ground hog day while we wait to see how he responds as the swelling and bruising in his brain resolves. I spent a lot of today and yesterday trying to quiz as many of his medical team as I could on the ins and outs of his status, other examples to compare Darryl to and possible progress for him. It is an experience I would compare to asking for your teacher to read out your school ‘C’ results when you know that your marks are nowhere close to what you need them to be. You want to know but you know the answer is going to hurt. It just leaves you feeling hollow.
In short Darryl has gone a little quiet in terms of his responses to commands and has started displaying other common and disconcerting characteristics of serious head injuries. For example his muscles are starting to tighten up and he has quite bad muscle spasms as a result. There are other physical complications that go along with lying immobile for such a long time which is why they are now hoisting him out of bed regularly and sitting him in a chair. The body heals better when it is upright and moving about.
His physio team are pretty sharp and they are really working hard to ensure that his body deteriorates as little as possible through this process. The reality is however that I see my beautiful young son laying there looking fit and strong knowing that he is going to start fading away. It is so wrong and nothing I can do or say is going to make a blind bit of difference.
His temperature went up over night so they have run some more tests and done a chest X-Ray to keep ahead of possible infections which are all too common for immobile patients. By tonight it was back down to the normal range so that was good. His coughing is better so he can clear flem off his chest a bit easier, helped out by the suction tube they run down his trachie into his lungs which makes him writhe and squirm in what looks like pain. I can’t bear to watch it. I just pray he won’t remember any of this…. I pray he’s around to not remember this.
I have struggled in the last day or so, in the main because the reality of the situation is now becoming strangely normal which I resent because there is nothing normal about this. I find it hard to reconcile that I can accept what he is going through and what has happened as just another part of life’s journey. I don’t even like to think about it because it makes me angry and that isn’t going to help anyone.
I had a quiet talk with Darryl today and I could swear he could hear me. I put my hand on his chest over his big beating heart and shared a couple of things that I wish I had said earlier. It was nice to feel his heart beating strongly and calmly and I remembered when I did the same thing when I first saw him in critical care the night of the injury. On that occasion I couldn’t keep my hand on his heart because it was frightening to feel it beating so hard and fast. I could feel the urgency with which his body was trying to fight to cling to life. Another thing I will never forget.
Last night Catherine and I sat and read through the comments you have posted. It was very very heart warming and very humbling to read your sincere and heart felt comments. We are going to read them out to Darryl so he can share in what you have said. We think he can hear, but regardless he needs to know just how many people out there, including total strangers that are in his ‘corner ‘ with him. I want to let you all know that your comments and messages give us strength and we are indebted to you all for being with us.
Thanks once again.
Mike
Hi Mike and Catherine, wish you guys all the best. My thoughts are with Darryl and the whole whanau. I got seriously injured myself a few years ago (playing rugby) and the only thing I can say is that it made me a better person and also that I came thru much stronger and determined… I have no doubt Darryl will go thru and will recover with the help/support of his loved ones the NZ rugby community. Fred, former French rep
There is nothing more powerful then the love of a parent. We without question protect, care, laugh, cry, hold, growl, feed, give money – lots of it, set boundaries and above all else, love them. Thank you for allowing us to share this journey with you and your bravery in telling the world you said no to your son – setting a boundary meant without question you cared, you loved him. When I read you placed your hand on his chest and felt his heart beating, I felt that too. He may not be able to say it, or hold you back just yet, but he knows your there.
Nga mihi aroha ki a koutou
All our love to you Darryl
Hedley Family x
Keep on believing guys, you are an incredible family, very strong and so much love. You can do it Darryl, keep fighting you have so many people who love you so much, keep fighting for them.
Mike and Catherine, it is amazing that even during all of this you can think of others, try to help others, most people would curl up in a ball and wait for this all to pass, truly admirable that you can stand up and try to turn this bag of crap you have to deal with into a positive, quite something.
Darryl you are once again in my prayers, you can do it.
Go well for tonight, Jacqui
Sending all my healing thoughts possible to Darryl and his family and sincerely hoping he will pull though this. As I write this my own 19 year old son is at rugby practice. As much as I support him in his love of rugby the stress it gives me is hard but of course nothing like what your family is going through at this time. Our son had two concussions last season and I am hoping that that will be the end of them and we will have an injury free season. I am now at that stage where I find it very hard to watch him play thinking that something will go wrong and worrying whenever tha ball head his way- luckily my husband is still comfortable watching. Last weekend he did not play as it was opening weekend for duck shooting so the injury worry was changed to a different worry!
Naievely when our children were young I imagined that as they grew older there would be less worry but I completely wrong. The worries are there and more numerous- I guess because they are so often out of your presence and direct influence.
Anyway I hope that you will have good news about Darryl soon and that all will be well.
Love to you all
Ann
Gosh – one of every parents nightmares. I tried to get onto this site earlier and couldn’t – lets hope the awareness you have raised from being on Campbell Live doesn’t let this happen to anyone else. It shouldn’t ever happen to any other fit, young person. Thinking of you all at this time.
Mike, Catherine, Brook, Brenna & extended whanau, my heart and love is with you all. Darryl, you are constantly in my thoughts. I wish, hope, pray and dream for your recovery. Mike, your written and verbal delivery of the road you & yours are travelling is beautiful and eloquent, even within it’s awful sadness. Thank you for your honesty and ablilty to share with those of us who are are at a distance.
Much love
Virg
I just wanted to leave a wee note for you and your family, i dont know Darryl, but went through a similar thing with my brother. My thoughts and prayers are with you through this hard time, keep being strong and supporting each other.
thoughts are with you all,
Jacinda in Dunedin
Hi I have just watched the John Campbell article talking about Darryl. I want to send my best and heartfelt wishes to you. I have recently (as in the Monday to Thursday just before ANZAC Day) spent time as a wife of someone who was is Critical Care due to a motorcycle accident and I can understand to a point what you are going through. However you are going through something that a lot us hope never to be in. You need to be strong and think positively for Darryl and know that any small positive is going in the right direction. Be porud of Darryl, talk to him and tell him you love him everyday. He knows you are there.
i have just managed to watch you on line on Campbell Live and I wish and pray for your son’s speedy recovery. Unfortunately I have a 17 year old son (Reuben) whom has had similar head injuries playing rugby in Northland over the last 3 years. He is now here in Auckland with me under a paediatric neurologist & clinical psychologist because of his head traumas on the field. Hence His life is pretty much on hold now for the next two years. But the reasons I am writing is to wish and pray for
your sons recovery; and to thank you for making coachs, refs, the rugbyboard and nzers aware of really what is happening to our boys on the field in the name of rugby. Thank you & sincere love to you, your wife & family and your son darryl.
T the Sabin Family. Our thoughts are with you all at the sad time. One cannot imagine what you must be going through. I thoughts and prayers are with you abd that is about all we can do.
We have family travelling down from Coopers Beach this weekend should want anything bought down. It would be our pleasure to do so.
Love Don & Carollyn Mackenzie
To the Sabin Family. Our thoughts are with you all at this sad time. One cannot imagine what you must be going through. I thoughts and prayers are with you abd that is about all we can do.
We have family travelling down from Coopers Beach this weekend should want anything bought down. It would be our pleasure to do so.
Love Don & Carollyn Mackenzie
To Miek and the Sabin family: I have just learned of this terrible tragedy. As a parent, I know how dificult this must be for the whole family. Mike, I have let informed your friends at the NNOAC of Darryl’s injury and I know that they are all praying for his speedy recovery. My guess is, that Darryl is as tough as his father and will make a full recovery from this injury. Mike, I certainly wish you were closer to the US so I could help you through this tough period. If there is anything that I, or your many friends in the states can do, please let us know. You are a great friend and a wonderful person. Each of us at the NNOAC is sharing the pain that you feel. I will use this site to continue to monitor Darryl’s progress. All the best.
Love and respect: Ron Brooks